


Let's Not

by Signel_chan



Series: Let's Live Life [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Family, Friendship, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-29
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-03 00:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1063383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signel_chan/pseuds/Signel_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't do things because others want you to. Resist them and fight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let's Not Get Married

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I am so sorry that it's taken this long to write this! Secondly, you'll notice that this chapter has less of other characters and more of just Dave. This is, finally, his five-story segment to shine.

One simple look at the little card that had been inside the envelope slid underneath his apartment door one April afternoon made Dave groan harder than he had in a long time. If he was getting an invitation for a wedding that was to be held in September this early, either the people holding the event were extremely confident that their ceremony would be on that day, or the future bride was pregnant. Knowing the people in question, both answers were completely possible, especially since it _had_ been six months since the birth of their last child.

Reasoning for the invitation being sent when it was aside, Dave had one big problem with this ceremony: there was no way he'd be able to help them out with the costs of it. He knew for a fact that Tavros and Vriska barely had the money to take care of themselves and their two young children, so how were they supposed to pay for the wedding of their dreams? He groaned again, setting the invitation on the counter and looking at what hung at his eye level--the reason for why he couldn't help.

When he had turned twenty-one, his older brother Dirk, known by his pseudonym of D Street, had convinced him to sign a contract that guaranteed him a sizeable portion of the profits from his puppet and robot making business, but with several conditions. Most of them were bearable, like helping out when he could or starring in at least one ad a year, but there was one particular condition that always tripped Dave up whatever he did.

Under no circumstances was he allowed to share any of his money with his friends. The rule worked both ways, limiting who Dirk could use his money on as well, but Dave was affected by it more. His friends were all hardworking and poor, and he couldn't give them the cash they needed to survive. So he started throwing parties for them, started finding ways to spend money on them that would help better their lives in whatever way he could, and started trying to be a supportive friend in every way he could except by handing necessary cash over.

For the most part, the method worked, and he could be counted on to throw birthday bashes and dinner parties alike. Sure, his friends hated him for the surprise parties that he'd spring on them, but he knew that they appreciated the gesture more than they let on. It wouldn't have been possible for them to have any of the fun times they had been part of it wasn't for him renting out entire buildings for them. But even his renting sometimes had limits that his brother insisted on, such as the time he had thrown a birthday party for himself and had it crashed by little kids who also wanted to play laser tag.

There were many times that he intended on doing something but his brother would forbid it, because Dirk was smart enough to see through whatever Dave was trying to do to directly help his friends. The older brother did, after all, see all the bills that were taken care of by his money that he was giving to his brother, and since Dave was expected to pay for his home and necessities with money he made himself, all the money he was getting from his contract was for excess things.

Things that were very hard to keep from being helpful.

He flicked the paper a few times before picking the invitation back up and thinking about the situation some more. How were they going to handle it? Were they going to expect family members, who he knew had been shunned for years, to pay for things? Were those family members even going to be invited? What about their out-of-state friends, would they be coming too? Who would be paying for people coming into town simply for the wedding? It was a money nightmare even for Dave, and he had all the excess money he could ever wish for. What was this situation even like for his friends?

It probably wasn't his place to ask, he realized the more he thought about it. After all, they were used to him being the aloof friend, the one who caused more trouble than good, the one who was only marginally helpful, and even then only when it benefited him. He could list all the times that he'd caused harm to one or both of them when just trying to be a friend, and none of those instances were good things to have on his record. That hypothetical list would, of course, include the time his car broke down when trying to leave work and, in a roundabout way, ended up making Tavros miss the birth of his first child. It would also include the time that he thought it would be fun to play truth or dare with a pregnant Vriska and daring her to drink one of the beers he had brought to the party, which ended up causing her to sleep in his bed with him, as was the punishment set for not going through with a dare, something he himself had set up.

That led him to question why he was even invited to the wedding, when he had done so many bad things to the two. Did they expect him to not mess anything else up in the five months between getting the invite and the actual ceremony? The chances of that happening were lower than the chances of his brother deciding to rip up their dumb contract, and there was very little chance of being freed from that binding document. 

Yet, somehow, he managed to keep his act together for the most part. He still threw parties, still joked with them like always, but he made sure that he didn't do anything too out of line that would revoke his invitation. There were some close calls, but he kept himself out of trouble and kept his right to go to the wedding in good standing.

On the other side of things, his relationship with his brother was becoming more and more strained by the day, if only because of money issues that Dirk had caused in the first place. “I don't understand why you won't let me give them some cash when they need it,” the older Strider muttered, passing cans of corn to Dave so he could bag them. “It wouldn't be much. Just enough to get them through until the next paychecks come.”

“You set the rules. No money to others in the form of cash.” With every can that he was handed, Dave thought about going back on his words, going against the contract, and telling his brother to do what he wanted because it was his own money. But then he remembered all the times he'd been the one asking to help someone and been turned down, and felt the need to keep telling his brother no. “Not even if it's your best friend.”

The customer they were running the checkout for paid and left, taking the bags of corn and other foods with them, and since the line was then clear, Dirk turned to his younger brother and scowled. “Is this payback for all the times I've told you that you can't help your best friends?”

“Yes and no.”

“What do you mean, yes and no? It has to be one or the other.”

Dave looked around to make sure no one was close enough to hear him, before stepping closer to his brother and the cash register. “It's yes because my friends have needed cash to get by and you've told me I couldn't share even though they really needed it and I didn't, and it's no because I'm just following the rules. Which, really, are dumb and I shouldn't follow them. But it is yes and no and you can fucking deal with it.”

His brother's face paled a bit, as he was obviously flustered, and he pushed Dave away with gloved hands. “Get away from me. I don't need to put up with your shit right now. We're at work.”

“You fucking started this, Dirk.” Stepping back to his station, Dave took a deep breath and tried to push the thoughts of his brother almost literally begging him to let him break the rules from his mind. He had bigger things to worry with, like getting through the rest of his shift with Dirk being angry at him, and with the people that he so badly wanted to give money to arriving at any moment, because it just so happened that they worked with them.

Like he had known it was their time to come on the clock, two nearly identical blonde women approached their checkout dressed in the aprons and nametags indicative of the store, both waving their hellos. “Looks like we'll be working together again today,” the older woman said, before awkwardly giving Dirk a sidehug over the counter. “I always love a shift where I work with my best friend in the whole world.”

Dave rolled his eyes, forgetting for a second that he wasn't wearing his trademark sunglasses, and the younger blonde gave him a stern look. “You know, you shouldn't do that at work. You may get caught by a customer or a manager and they'll fire you. Not like you need the money, Strider.”

“Not like I need you giving me this right now, Lalonde.” He stuck his tongue out at the woman and hoped she'd disappear and leave him to suffer through the rest of the day, but she stayed put. “Don't you have a register to get to and groceries to bag? Or are you too good for that?”

“I figured I could accompany my mom over here, as she tries to talk some sense into your brother. We really need that money.” As she spoke, words from the conversation between Dirk and the older woman could be heard, all of which were negative and put a bad feeling in the pit of Dave's stomach. He knew there were rules, but how could someone still argue for the rules when the words “about to be kicked out” were involved?

“Rose, you're not really about to be evicted, are you?” he asked after listening to the other two argue for a bit. “That would be fucking stupid if you were.”

She shrugged. “I'm not supposed to be involved in the finances, because, in my mom's mind, I'm still too young to help her out with that. But, in all honesty, yes. Yes we are. And Dirk, who swears he's my mom's best friend, won't help us out just this month.”

“There's a contract that he's not allowed to break. He hasn't ever let me help Tavros and Vriska when they've needed money, so he's not going to help you guys out. Sorry about that.” He hated having to say those words, because Rose and her mother Roxy were pretty much family to him and that _should_ have been enough for the contract. But the fine print said family only, not almost-family, and it couldn't be ignored.

It wasn't much later that Roxy walked away in tears and Rose had to follow her to make sure she didn't blow off her commitment to work, because working meant money and every cent counted. “I can't believe I just had to do that,” Dirk said, pushing his dark, triangle glasses up on his face. “I never wanted to see her cry like that.”

Dave had to step away from his station for several minutes to keep himself from attacking his brother after he said that, because he knew that, deep down, Dirk didn't care that he had just made someone cry. He just cared that he got to keep his money the way it was.

* * *

Getting home after what was arguably the worst shift of his life in years, Dave noticed a surprising amount of cars with out-of-state license plates in the parking lot in front of the building. He brushed the sight of them off as just a coincidence, but as he ascended the stairs it dawned on him that maybe it was a bit important that all of those cars were present. Not even caring that he was still in his apron from work, he dashed up the unnecessary second flight of stairs and opened the door to the apartment that belonged to two of his friends. The couch in the living room was covered with strangers, as was the floor and half of the chairs at the table. Standing against the wall talking was Tavros, holding in his arms the squirming and babbling creature known as Dante, while sitting on a chair right next to him was Vriska, with the little girl named Snow on her lap. They didn't notice his arrival, not even when he stumbled in and slammed the door behind him, finding a place to rest on the arm of the couch next to some red-haired guy he'd never seen before.

“I hope you enjoy your time here, all of you,” he heard Tavros finishing, and it appeared to him that he had just been giving some sort of arrival speech to all the strangers. “It's going to be an interesting experience over these next several days.”

“Yeah, uh, question?” the red-haired guy asked, shooting his hand up into the air and nearly knocking Dave from where he sat. “Who's this guy who decided to be right next to me? He's kind of hot and I'm wondering if he's free meat.”

Tavros looked at Dave, unable to make eye contact due to the shades that had rightfully found their place on Dave's face. “Him? He's about as free of meat as you'd like him to be. Only problem is that you're a guy.”

“Fuck yeah I'm a guy.” The man pounded on his chest, making a peace sign with his hand. “And I can dig other guys. That's cool.”

“Sorry, but who are you?” Dave asked, turning to look at the stranger. “I've never seen you before in my life, and I'd appreciate it if you weren't indirectly hitting on me. Indirect hitting on others is my specialty, thank you very much.”

The guy blinked a few times, processing what had been said to him, before jumping to his feet and sticking his hand in Dave's face for him to shake. “The name's Rufioh. I'm Tavros's older brother. Invited out here for the wedding, y'know? Never thought I'd get to see my little bro settle down, and yet here I am, going to see exactly that.” Although the words coming out of Rufioh's mouth were said in an excited tone, there was a sense of dragging at the end of every statement, as if he was mentally connecting each phrase instead of stopping after each one. “What's your name, dude? And why are you here?”

“I'm Dave. I live downstairs. Been friends with your brother and his woman for as long as they've lived here. It's kind of my place to just walk in and make myself at home.” He smirked, causing Rufioh to give a small smile in return. “I can tell you like me. What's up with that? Most new people can't stand me. Say I'm too aloof and mysterious for their tastes.”

“That's cool, doll.”

“And now you're creeping me out. Even if I was into dudes, which I'm not, I'd keep my distance from you.” Dave shuddered, before pushing Rufioh's hand, which he had never actually shaken, away from him. “I can see why Tavros doesn't like you.”

Both of the darker-skinned men gasped, Tavros almost dropping the child in his arms. “What?”  
“I may have been shit-faced drunk that night, but don't think I don't remember what you said when we played truth or dare.” He looked straight at Tavros, who was re-situating the child that he nearly dropped. “You called him an asshole a bunch and you said you were always compared to him, and I do believe there was a 'fuck that guy' thrown in.”

“I was also drunk that night, so whatever I said may have been influenced by my drinking. That being said, uh, I didn't mean it.” The hesitant tone to Tavros's voice was a bit worrisome to Dave, because it meant that maybe he had meant what was said, but wasn't expecting it to be brought up. “I like my brother a lot, and I'm glad he came out here for this. Don't make him think otherwise.”

“Already thinking otherwise, bro. It's cool if you hate me. Not like you're the first to trick me into thinking you like me when you don't.” Rufioh sat back down on the couch, causing Dave to get up from next to him and step away. “I just figured, hey, little brother wants me back in his life, I should go back in his life. Especially since he's doing something I'll get compared to.”

“You guys better not be fucking fighting.” Vriska looked up from Snow, who she had been playing with, and glared directly at Dave. “This is no time for your bullshit, Strider. This is family time, and you're not family.”

He put on his stoic cool guy face and stared back at her. “Last time I checked, Terezi's not your family either. Neither's the ginger chick over there.” He pointed towards a long-haired woman who was sitting in one of the kitchen chairs. “Never seen her in your photo albums. She doesn't even look like you.”

“Excuse you? You take back what you just said about two of my best friends who could easily pass as family. You weren't even invited to this. This is a 'everyone who used to know each other' get-together, not something you need to be at.” With that, Vriska turned her attention to the girl in her lap, who was stringing together what few words she knew.

“By the way,” the woman who Dave had called out moments before said, clearing her throat before continuing, “you have seen pictures of me before. I saw your comments on them. You thought I was a hot piece of ass, if I remember correctly.”

Much unlike his normal behavior, Dave found himself getting red in the face. “Fuck, you're that married chick that had her man threaten me with death if I hit on you. I knew I should remember that face.”

“My name is Aradia. And if Sollux was here, he would definitely kill you.”

“Right. I'm sure he would. He'd be dumb if he actually killed me.” In reality, Dave was a bit worried that this guy who he'd never met before in his life would actually kill him, based on all the stories he'd heard about him from the people who knew him. “I've got an important role in this upcoming wedding, don't you know? They're making me be a suit guy.”

“I can easily revoke that privilege, Dave. Don't make me have to hurt you by doing that.” Tavros, sliding down the wall to a sitting position next to his bride-to-be, gave a small laugh. “Aw, who am I kidding. I'd never do that to such a great friend.”

At that moment, having barged in and started drama somewhere he shouldn't have been, Dave felt like anything but a great friend.

* * *

Three nights after the meeting in the apartment that he regretted going to was the rehearsal dinner followed by a party, and Dave had completely intended to go to both, especially since he had a role in the wedding that followed. The only problem, which he had brought up with the management at work on several occasions, was that he was scheduled to work that night. As was Rose, who was also invited to the wedding and wanted to be at the rehearsal, and she was already mad at Dave for his behavior towards her on their last encounter.

She was normally very cordial towards him, having been his friend for years and years prior, but when he got her mad she was always trying to find a way to get under his skin, to make him as angry as she was. Most of the time, she was unable to do it, but on that particular night, anything was possible—including making him completely snap. Their problem was the same, wanting to both leave early to go to the same event, and Rose planned completely on manipulating Dave into letting things go her way.

The problem was, Dave was unmoving on his stance that, since the people getting married the next day were his friends for longer, he deserved to get to go to the events more than she did. “You're not ruining this for me,” he told her, before she even got a chance to ask him if she could possibly leave first. “They need me there more than they need you.”

“Except I was personally invited. You were given an invitation and never actually talked to about it. They came to me and asked. I have to be there before you are.” She batted her eyelashes and tried to make herself look attractive to him, but he rolled his eyes in response.

“Don't care. You complain about needing money, so you just stay here and get those extra hours and I'll go get wasted and have fun with my friends.” Thinking that was the end of the conversation, Dave tried to return to his work, but Rose grabbed his arm and pulled him close to her once more. “Hey! Don't bruise me, okay? I've got to look good for all the wedding pictures I'll be in tomorrow.”

“First of all, you'll be in a tuxedo and your arms will be covered. Secondly, I want to get wasted and have fun with my friends just as much as you do. Thirdly, you're scheduled to be here until close. I am not. Yet you've convinced the manager to let you go early. To that, Strider, I say no. I'm not letting you get out of your work.” She squeezed his arm tightly. “Now say you're going to do as you're scheduled, or I will have to discuss your work habits with the managers at their next meeting. And,” she added, seeing words of rebuttal forming on his lips, “I know full well that you sneak food when no one's looking.”

“Since when does my brother sneak food?” Dirk interrupted, appearing behind Dave and resting his elbows on his brother's shoulders. “I wasn't aware that he did that. Thanks for the tip, Rose.”

“My pleasure, Dirk.” She smiled at him, a smile that reeked of sarcasm. “Now will you convince your brother that he has to stay until close tonight?”

The older Strider opened his mouth to assist Rose, but closed it fairly quickly and tilted his head. “Since when does he close with your mom?”

“Tonight I have plans that I made sure to get across to the managers very well. My mother needs the money, so she will be closing, but I am going to a party and Dave will be closing in my place.”

“Sounds like a plan if I've ever heard one. Sorry, little bro, but that's how it's got to be if the schedule says it is.” Dirk got off of his brother's shoulders and brushed them off, as if his elbows had left something there. “I can't let you skip out on making bill money.”

“I wouldn't be skipping out on anything except a rehearsal that I probably should be at!” He was almost seething, but didn't show it due to his insistence on keeping a calm appearance. “Rose doesn't even need to go, and it's her and her mom that need the money, not me.”

Dirk raised an eyebrow at Rose. “He's got a point there, you know.”

“A bad point. My mother already has an idea of how to get money from you, she just won't tell me what it is. She says it's 'no business for young girls,' even though I'm fairly certain I'm far from a young girl.” She stifled a laugh, attempting to seem like she was serious. “But regardless of the bills that need to be paid, I leave early tonight. That's just how it is when they call in the best workers in the shop.”  
“If you go, so does your mom.” Dave spoke without thinking about consequences, because he was more worried with getting his way than anything else. “I'm not working with her when I can't even shoot a freestyle rap her way without getting weird looks. Either you stay or she goes.”

“Dave, I don't think you have the rig—“

“Shut it, Dirk.” He motioned with a couple fingers for his brother to close his mouth. “I'm fighting for what I rightfully deserve. They stay together or leave together. We aren't splitting teams up.”

It was then that Roxy happened to walk over, in the middle of a conversation with the manager, and both of them heard Dave's outburst. “What's going on?” she quietly asked Rose, who sighed. “Did I miss something big?”

“Yes, Striders, did she miss something big?” The manager tapped his foot on the floor, an echoing sound filling the air. “Do you have a problem with how I scheduled you all?”  
Before he even realized who he was talking to, Dave said, “Yes, yes I do have a problem. You're letting a broke girl ditch her work for something she shouldn't even be at, while the guy who's _actually important_ has to get stuck here working with that girl's drunk of a mother!” He was pointing fingers, slamming his teeth together, and driving everyone away from where he stood, Rose and Roxy both almost in tears. “I'm not doing this, not on a night that I actually need to get away!”

The manager was plenty mad enough that he had to listen to one of his employees verbally go at two others, but he was madder when tears actually started to fall. “You're not going anywhere tonight, Dave. Neither is your brother.” Dirk opened his mouth to protest, but thought better of it. “You don't attack my two best workers and expect to get rewarded. Whatever you had to do tonight that was so important that you had to call them out, it can wait. I expect to see you still here when the doors close, and you'll certainly be hearing about this later.” He walked away without another word to Dave, but gave both of the Lalondes pats on their shoulders for comfort as he left.

“I can't believe you did that,” Dirk whispered, before turning away. “I had plans tonight too, you know. Had some puppet shows to frequent, some porn to sign. But no, little spoiled brother had to ruin that. You're going to pay for this, Dave. Believe me.”

Never in his life had Dave felt like a bigger jerk. He'd reduced his brother's best friend and her daughter, both of whom worked so hard for what they had, to tears. He'd caused his older brother to want to punish him for real, not for enjoyment. And he'd gotten himself stuck doing something when he had other things he could be doing. He took a deep breath, pushed his glasses on his face to hide his eyes, and decided to make the best of the night.

* * *

“Hey, Dave, we need to talk.” It was after close, after Dave was finally free from his work commitment and able to go to his social one. But while he was trying to salvage the night, his brother needed him, the brother he had upset so much in his earlier outburst. He chose to ignore his brother's plea and storm out the store's back door, because what he had to do seemed so much more important to him than whatever Dirk would have to say.

Thankfully, the party was still going strong when he got to the building, evidenced by all the cars in the parking lot. After he had changed out of his work clothes and into something more comfortable, he made his way up the flight of stairs and was greeted by someone he had already dealt with enough that day to justify seeing her again. “Hello, Dave,” Rose said, crossing her arms over her chest.”About time you drag your rude ass here.”

“Listen, I know you're pissed about what happened earlier, but—“

“But nothing! You and your asshole brother ran my mother and me off when we're not the ones rolling in money!” He could see the anger in Rose's eyes, but he could also see that she was inebriated, most likely from whatever drinks were being passed out at the party. “Are you ignoring me?”

He shook his head, snapping back to reality from the thoughts about drinking. “No, just trying to come up with a way to fight with a tipsy girl. Let's just ignore all this and argue later, okay?” She blinked a few times, before uncrossing her arms and smiling at him. “That's the Rose I like to deal with.” Putting the confrontation in the back of his mind, he opened the apartment door and went inside, Rose following him.

For being labeled as a party, there wasn't much going on aside from deep conversation in both the living room and at the kitchen table. The louder of the two, on the couch, involved Vriska's mom and Tavros arguing about something related to finances, while the quieter one had John and Jade and some of Vriska's old friends all discussing their feelings on the upcoming wedding. It was at that very moment that Dave realized that the wedding was in less than a day, and then he'd be the only one of his core group of pals that would be unmarried. He looked behind him for Rose, half wanting to ask her if she'd be interested in becoming an official member of his “gang,” so that he wouldn't feel so awkward, but she was no longer there.

He found her making her way towards the kitchen and paid it no mind, only caring when she returned a few moments later with a fruity drink in one hand and several expertly-stacked beers in the other, the stacked drinks for him. “If we aren't going to fight, at least we can get drunk together,” she told him, handing him the tower of drinks. “You know you're more fun when you're wasted.”

“Uh, thanks,” he replied, setting all but one of the drinks down on the floor for whoever wanted them and opening the one he kept to take a few sips. In the middle of one such sip, he was interrupted by a masculine and firm hand finding a resting place on his shoulder. “Can I help you?” he asked, turning his head to see who was there, his eyes locking with two red, teary ones. “Oh, shit, why are you crying, dude?”

“She ripped into me...” Tavros sniffled, moving a bit closer to Dave. “And she told me I'm not good enough for her daughter, and that I'm never going to be a good dad to my kids and...” He dissolved into loud, body-shaking tears. “And then she says there's no fighting us getting married.”

“Isn't that a good thing, though?”

The hand was pulled from his shoulder, so Dave could turn and fully see how Tavros was shaking as he cried. “I guess, b-but she could have done without tearing me d-down first...”

“Yeah, but Vriska's said she's a bitch. It was to be expected.” Without realizing he was talking so loudly, Dave continued: “You should have known that she'd go off on you for stealing away her precious little girl, and giving her grandkids she doesn't want. You're crying over nothing, you idiot.”

Tavros almost immediately stopped crying, at the price of Vriska's mom, who had overheard the speech Dave had just given, storming off in the direction of the bedrooms of the apartment. “Thanks. Needed to hear that.”

“You're welcome, bro.” The words were drowned out by a loud scream by a child, silencing everyone in the apartment. Dave looked at Tavros, whose teary cheeks had grown pale. “Wait, that was your kid, wasn't it?”

“That _bitch_! She just woke the baby up!” Making it extremely clear that he wasn't acting in sobriety, he let out a low growl and ran the best he could in the direction of the screaming, metal hitting the floor loudly with every step, leaving Dave standing awkwardly with everyone's eyes on him.

He put his non-drink-filled hand up, giving a small wave to everyone. “Way to go, Strider,” Karkat, sitting on the floor, said with a laugh. “Night before the guy's wedding and you ticked him off.”

“I didn't do it. His future mother-in-law did it, and he just lost his shit and got mad.” Dave stepped closer to where his friend was seated, nearly tripping over several people in the process. “Not like it matters. He'll forget about it in the morning.”

“Fuck yeah he will. He's been drinking pretty hard all night.” Getting up off the floor and helping Terezi, who had been seated right next to him, to her feet, Karkat pushed Dave back towards the door. “Come on, let's get outside and talk about this where no one else is.”

Everyone seated around where they stood heard Karkat's suggestion, and it was Tavros' brother who decided to claim that very moment as a smoke break. With Karkat and Terezi unwillingly in the lead, Dave somewhere in the middle, and a bunch of others mixed in, they made their way out of the apartment, down the stairs, and out onto the front steps of the building. It wasn't until they were all outside, most everyone with a cigarette in their mouth, that Karkat grumbled about their being too many people outside to make the trip have been worth it. “Damn this, damn fucking people who just don't care!” he yelled, before pulling a lighter out of his pocket and asking Terezi to pass him a cigarette from her pack. “This was supposed to be us time, not everyone time!”

“Whatever you wanted to talk about, I'm sure we could do it now. Everyone's hella distracted,” Dave pointed out. “I'm the only one here who doesn't have a fag in my mouth now.”

“Excuse you?” Dave hadn't even gotten the chance to explain his terminology when he had a drunken, red-haired, dark-skinned man in his face. “I came out here for a smoke, not be judged for—“

“A fag's a cigarette, you dumbass.” Tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder, Vriska bounced down the front steps, pulled Rufioh off of Dave, and snatched the burning cigarette from his hand. “And now it's mine.” She chuckled, before taking a long drag of her prize. “Fuck, it feels great to be smoking and wasted.”

“Should you really be doing that?” Dave asked, shaking his head at Vriska. “I mean, don't you have bigger things to deal with that don't have to do with getting a buzz?”

She shot a dirty look at him, before blowing some smoke in his face. “Kids are back asleep. Mom's fighting with everyone and ignoring me. Nope, think this is the best thing I could be doing right now.” Flipping her hair once more, she joined some of her other friends who were mid-conversation a bit away, and seamlessly entered what they were doing.

“If you'd like to stop ticking off the peanut gallery,” Karkat grumbled, “we'd be able to discuss the matters at hand.”

“What matters?”

“Don't play fucking dumb, you know damn well what matters we have to discuss!” After taking another inhale of his cigarette, Karkat continued. “We need to talk about how the fuck you managed to piss off miss 'I'm more into girls so back off' at work.”

Dave sighed. “I'd rather not talk about that, okay? It was ugly.”

“We know it was. She called her girlfriend and bitched about you to her for like ten minutes.” Terezi blew a smoke ring in Dave's direction. “It was funny, but kinda sad. What did you do to her that made her do that?”

“I called her mom a drunk.”

“Dude, _you're_ a drunk.” Another smoke ring. “And Rose is too. Actually, we all are. We get a night off and we get smashed. We get together and we get smashed. We do anything remotely interesting and we wake up the next morning with hangovers.”

“Terezi, you are making me feel so fucking bad about what I did, it's not funny. Let's drop the subject and talk about fun stuff, okay? Like how much money we wanna bet on drunk-as-fuck Vriska getting even drunker Tavros to fuck her silly and knock her up tonight. I'm placing ten bucks on that it happens.” He gave a smug grin at his friends, but the loud and whiny groan that came from the other group told him that, once again, he was speaking loudly enough for everyone to hear.

The second clue that led him to that conclusion was Vriska coming back over to him and slapping him on the back. “Don't you fucking say that, okay? I want to get through tonight without that happening. Especially since my mom will be in the room next door. She's heard me getting fucked once before, she doesn't need to hear it again.”

On that note, people started trickling back into the building, and the smoke break was deemed finished. She hit Dave again before following her friends up, leaving him, Karkat, and Terezi as the only ones still outside in the night. “Did Vriska really just say that?” he asked, trying to touch where he had been hit to see if it was swollen. “Did she really just admit to what she just admitted to? Or was I hearing things?”

“It's pretty damn common knowledge that she had a boyfriend she did those things with before she got with Tavros,” Terezi replied, tossing the end of her cigarette into the street. “She only used to make out with him in class like every day.”

“Sorry, I didn't get the memo. Didn't go to school in some hillbilly town like y'all did.” He hoped Terezi would laugh at his comment, but she just shook her head in a bit of disgust. “What? It wasn't an insult or anything.”

“Sounded pretty insulting to me, Dave. You've really got to watch your cool guy mouth.” The woman put an arm around Karkat, resting her head on his shoulder. “Now let's get back to the party before something cool happens. I want to hear how Vriska tells everyone about what you said about her.”

“You don't think she'll really do that, do you?” He sounded worried as he asked his question, but in reality Dave couldn't care less about what Vriska did. As long as he didn't get directly hurt, he couldn't be less concerned. It wasn't like anyone would remember what happened in the morning, after all, and he was proud that he was hanging around a bunch of drunks after all.

When they made it back to the apartment, there was nothing but silence. As the door closed behind them, creaking as it did, Dave started to have second thoughts about not worrying, because things had taken a turn for the creepy. “So, uh, what was that you said about a bet?” someone asked, someone he didn't know the name for. “We'd all like to get involved in that, if you wouldn't mind.”

“I told everyone, and Equius is right. Not a single person here doesn't have some opinion on that bet you proposed outside.” Vriska gave a smile that was one of her bitchiest. “Problem is, they're all on the opposing side of you. They know me, they know Tavros, and they know we're not that dumb. Still wanna throw down ten bucks?”

Dave meekly shook his head. “No ma'am. Not going to owe the whole room money because I opened my mouth one damn time.”

Everyone slowly turned their focus from Dave and his silly bet to their own conversations, and he settled up against the wall just watching everyone interact. There were so many people he didn't really know that his friends were talking to, which caused him to be wary about joining anyone for the fear of making an even bigger fool of himself. He finally settled on the group where Tavros was talking to his parents and brother about something in rapid Spanish, while Vriska and her mom silently watched on. At least in that group, he thought, he wouldn't be able to mess things up. They were all drunk and seemed to be having fun with whatever they were saying.

“So, uh, why didn't you decide to get married sooner? Like, for instance, way before children were even part of the question.” Tavros's mom asked, her words slurred and barely able to be understood. “I'm very confused about that.”

“I am too, actually.” Shifting how she was sitting, Vriska's mom crossed her legs in front of her and gave a stone-cold glare at her daughter. “I demand answers.”

Although he shouldn't have inserted himself into the conversation, Dave had an answer and he had it ready before the couple in question did. “It's because Tavros didn't have enough money. They say spend three months' worth of your salary on the ring—and since Tavros barely makes any money in a month, he had to save up.”

“I make enough money, thanks,” Tavros said in response, hanging his head down to muffle his voice a bit. “I just wanted to get Vriska the ring of her dreams. It took saving up for five years to get it, but it's what she wanted.”

“Oh, that's what I want to hear!” Vriska's mom clasped her hands together. “I want to know that this illegal immigrant spent five years of his time making money to treat my daughter right!” She looked at Tavros's parents, who were both glaring at her. “Oh, don't look at me like that. You know you're all not supposed to be here.”

“We should very much be here, thanks.” Standing up to intimidate her, Tavros's dad cracked his knuckles and made a punching motion towards the blonde woman sitting next to Vriska, “Now take back what you said before I knock you into next week.”

Before her mom was able to do anything, Vriska put her hands up and said, “No fighting! We aren't going to take wedding pictures with black eyes and bruises!”

“Then get your low-class mother to say sorry.”

“Dad! Don't say something like that, please!” Tavros fell from his seat to before his father's feet, which he grabbed. “Don't make a big deal out of her drunken racism!”

The elder Nitram sighed and sat back down, before letting a string of curses out, all in Spanish. His wife hugged him close to her, telling him reassuring things to calm him down, and his two sons looked between each other for what they should do. After a short conversation that Dave couldn't understand, Tavros turned to him. “Get out of my place, dude.”

“What? All I said was you don't make shit.”

“And then you caused my family to be called illegal. Yeah, you're done for the night.” Tavros motioned to the door. “You're still part of the wedding, but damn. I thought you could keep things straight for one night and you couldn't.”

Rather than fighting and causing yet another scene, Dave decided it was best to do what he was told and leave, not saying goodbye to anyone because he knew he'd see them all the next day at the ceremony. As he closed the door behind him, he could hear the screaming of two white ladies over the use of racism and how insulting it was, followed by the whining of children obviously woken up from their sleep.

He felt bad for what had happened, but he knew that it happened for a reason and he couldn't dwell on being trash for too long.

* * *

The wedding ceremony started in the early afternoon, but as one of the key people involved, Dave was supposed to arrive at noon to help set up and get everything as perfect as it could be. He was all dressed up and ready to go, something he had been told not to do, so they could all get dressed together, but he wanted to make sure he looked great. Putting his sunglasses on his face as a final touch, he looked at himself in the mirror before taking a few selfies on his phone and admiring how great he looked. Nothing was going to go wrong, not like the hazy night before that he barely remembered.

Once he was on the road, his phone started ringing and although common sense told him to ignore the call since he was behind the wheel, it was a call from Dirk. And a call from Dirk meant that something was happening that he needed to know about. Once he hit a red light he called back, having missed the original call. “You rang, bro?” he asked, putting the phone on speaker and in his lap. “I'm kind of busy right now, so make it quick.”

“I know you've got something going on, but you need to get over here now. Our uncle died, dude.” Dirk sounded genuinely upset, and it took a second for the words to register with Dave. “You've got to help me with these plans and junk. He didn't leave his stuff to anyone, so we're in charge of that.”

“We have parents, they can deal with it.” Dave understood that a death in the family was a big deal, but he was going to his friends' wedding. He couldn't deal with family matters, especially of a family member he didn't really care for, on a day where he had bigger priorities. “I'll swing by your place after everything's done tonight, okay?”

“No can do. You need to get over here now.” The sadness mixed with a stern tone in Dirk's voice, creating a combination that Dave only ever heard when things were really bad. “It won't take long, just drive here, then get wherever you're going. Ten minutes, tops.”

If his head wasn't still slightly fuzzy from the night before, Dave would have said no right away and hung up. But he wasn't thinking completely straight and figured that he could trust his brother on the time it would take. “Okay, where's this place? I'll be there as soon as I can be.” His brother told him the directions, and he got off the phone, driving to a part of town he'd honestly never been in before. Everything was rundown, there seemed to be no people anywhere, and the streets were empty. Things didn't seem right for their uncle to have lived anywhere near a place like this, but Dave trusted his brother and continued on.

He pulled up to a building that was in slightly better condition than the ones surrounding it, and recognized the car next to his as the one that Dirk drove. At least he hadn't been lied to about needing to be at this place, he thought, before getting out and going inside the building. “Hello?” he called out, not seeing his brother or, rather, anyone inside. “Anyone here? Dirk? Where are you at?” Instead of having a voice answer him, music softly started to play, music that startled Dave and made him completely drop his sense of “cool guy” and enter a panic mode. “What's going on here? Where are you, bro? I need you to come out here and cut this out! I don't have the time for this!”

From somewhere else in the building, a door opened, the music slowly getting louder in the moments after. “Dave? Is that you?” he heard Rose's voice ask. “What are you doing here? My mom called me here to discuss family matters and I'm looking for her! You should be elsewhere!” He couldn't see her, but he was sure she was rolling her eyes at him.

“I was told to come here to talk to Dirk about _our_ family matters!” he shouted back, not sure where exactly he should be yelling. “What are you doing here?”

“I already told you!”

“You told me the same reason I have!”

“That's the only reason!” Another door opened, followed by one slamming, and soon he could hear footsteps that were dainty yet loud—footsteps that could belong to no one but Rose. “I'm coming for you, Strider! Stop trying to ruin my life!”

As she entered the large room they were in, the lights came on and the music became loud enough to the point that Dave could tell what it was. “Why is the wedding march playing?” he asked out loud, looking up at the ceiling. “I'm here to talk about a dead uncle's stuff, not see a wedding.”

Rose, mid-run as the music got loud, froze when Dave made his realization. “You're right, that is indeed the wedding march, and I'm here to speak to my mother about a dead relative...” She looked towards him as he looked back down to her. “You don't think they've devised a plan, do you?”

“A plan for what?”

She took a deep breath, trying to collect herself before speaking. “For getting my mother to access your brother's money.”

“What do you mean? She's not family, and I'm not watching my very gay brother marry her just so she can use his money.” Dave crossed his arms. “Sorry, but it's not happening.”

“I don't think it's them that'll be getting married...” Instead of another deep breath, Rose swallowed down hard. “Look at us. You're wearing a tuxedo, looking as dapper as you ever will, and I'm in a very nice dress that I've been saving for a day like today.”

“So maybe we look nice. Doesn't mean that we want to be part of their wedding.” Dave turned his attention to the music again. “Can you turn this the fuck down, please? We're trying to discuss what's going on, and it's hard to think when the music is so loud!”

He didn't get a response, and Rose had to stifle a laugh at him. “You're trying hard to distract from the situation at hand, Dave. I don't like you and you don't like me, but I think my mom and your brother are going to use us as their way of getting around the contract.”

“And how will they manage that?”

“Let's see, you have a legally binding document that lets your brother somewhat control your life, I have a mother that I rely on for most things in my life. They tell us to get married, right here, right now, we have to do it.” She bit her lip in nervousness. “I don't want to do it.”

From behind his sunglasses, Dave's eyes widened. “You're serious, aren't you?” She nodded. “I've never kissed a girl before. I'm not marrying one I don't like. Especially not one that has a girlfriend.”

“Yes, me having a girlfriend would make a forced marriage between us slightly difficult. But if they say so, we have to do it, I guess. I just wish I hadn't signed those papers the other night.” Rose covered her face with her hands as she continued to speak. “My mother had me signing things for work, like I'm supposed to, and I didn't think to check each paper that I signed...what if one of those allowed this to happen? They're best friends, so my mother could have easily had Dirk pull legal strings to get us in an arranged marriage...”

Instead of listening to her speak, Dave was busy on his phone, checking the time and seeing if there were any strange messages from his brother to clue him in to what was going on. There was nothing, but it was way longer than the ten minutes he was told this would be. “I've got to get going,” he finally said, putting his phone back in his pocket. “I've got a real wedding to go help set up, so I'll just see you there later.” He gave her a wave and headed back towards the front door, but before he got there his brother and Rose's mother stood before him. “Oh. Shit.”

“Where do you think you're going, little bro?” Dirk asked, a smile on his face, before pulling a folded up paper from his pocket. “According to the second to last paragraph of your contract, you've got to be here. Didn't you read this?” He flicked the paper, the noise drowned out by the music that was still playing. “If I need you to make a life decision, you have to make it. Our parents know and they're fine with it. Roxy here needs it. So you're doing it.”

“Couldn't this have waited until tomorrow or something? I have a wedding I need to get to.”

Behind his triangular shades, Dirk let his smile get big enough to cause his eyes to close. “Oh, I know you have a wedding to get to. It's yours.”

There was more debating, between all four people present, but every time an argument got started Dirk would read the exact wording of the document he held, sealing Dave and Rose's fate a bit more. And when Dave thought that arguing that Rose had nothing binding her to the arrangement, he was greeted with not a contract that she had accidentally signed, but rather the assurance from Roxy that her daughter would do what was best for their family. The longer they argued, the bleaker it looked for the two, until it was just impossible for them to make it to their previously scheduled event, and it was after hours of debate that they finally gave in to the demands of the older two.

At the exact same time that the wedding they should have been at was finishing up, with no desire whatsoever to actually do what they were forced into, the two begrudgingly signed all the papers they were presented with in order to fulfill the wishes of their families. And just like that, everything in their lives changed. For the first time ever, Dave saw his brother give someone they weren't directly related to money, followed with profuse thanks and them leaving, taking the papers with them.

Was the entire ceremony legal? He wasn't sure. It turned out that there had been officials standing right outside the church's doors, so there was a chance that it was legal and that he really was married to a bisexual woman that had a girlfriend and absolutely no interest in him. But as he got in his car and sped to where he knew the other wedding's reception was, he wasn't worried about any of that. He was worried about the reaction of his friends that he had skipped out on, about how they'd act when they saw him.

A slap to the face and a lot of yelling about how bad it was that he wasn't there was actually not the punishment he thought he'd get. But for having gone five months, from the time he got the invitation to a handful of days before the wedding, without messing anything up, maybe it was the punishment he deserved.

“What's your excuse, anyway?” Tavros angrily asked him, after calming down enough to speak in a language Dave understood. “Why weren't you there? Why did you miss it? Why would you swear you'd be somewhere and then ditch it at the last second?”

“Believe me dude, you wouldn't buy my story. It's totally true, but completely unbelievable.”

Vriska rolled her eyes, her makeup smeared from the angry tears she had shed when she saw Dave walk in. “You've got to at least fucking try to explain it, douchebag. You don't skip someone's wedding without a good excuse.”

“It's not a good excuse though. It's dumb. Never sign a paper without reading every word.” He was slapped again with a perfectly manicured hand, the resulting mark stinging, especially where the ring on the hand hit. “What, you wanted the excuse and there you have it. I got fucked over by paperwork.”

“You're dead to us. You ruined our big day.”

He knew he had, and he felt bad about it, but there was nothing more he could say. However, there was something he could do, and breaking the rules set in the contract and paying completely for his friends to get to go on an actually decent honeymoon trip was the best thing he could think of. It smoothed the waters between them, so he considered it all settled. Then he remembered that he still hadn't told them that he got married the same day they did, and he realized that that wasn't the last of the problems he'd have to deal with stemming from that event.

The biggest problem, of course, was his new, unwilling bride.


	2. Let's Not Be Decent People

Being married against his will was almost always a pain in the neck, but there were some things that having a unwanted wife could not stop Dave from doing. One such thing was meeting his friends for lunch if they were available, and the only reason Rose wouldn't keep him from doing that was that if he hung out with his friends during the day, he wouldn't invite them at strange hours. So, as close to weekly as possible, Dave arranged a lunch with every single one of his friends, and the ones who made it were his best friends for the week.

Like every week before it, the only people who showed up were Karkat and Terezi, for several reasons: the day that the lunch was on was always meeting day at John's work, and he couldn't skip a meeting for his friends, no matter how much they meant to him; Tavros also had to work, but he was almost always at work during the afternoons and lunches couldn't be held at dinner time or else they would be known as dinners; Jade was busy not only watching Casey but Snow and Dante as well, meaning she wouldn't be able to leave even if she had wanted to; and last but not least, Vriska couldn't go because Dave made sure to schedule the lunch on one day of the week when she was always working.

The reason for that was simple, he wanted to be served by her and get to tip someone who he knew really deserved the money. She gave service that deserved a quality tip, not the fifty percent that Dave would leave for her, on top of whatever everyone else left, but she didn't argue with it, and the restaurant's management knew that she wasn't faking the tips. The job she had and the money she got from it were not things she'd risk losing when she was always with barely enough money to get by.

This particular lunch, things went downhill fast when, while he was getting ready to go out and eat, Rose called him from work and asked him if it would be okay if she had lunch with them as well. He didn't say no to her, because his friends did like her, and they were legally married and should do things every once in a while to prove that. She never once mentioned that she'd be bringing her girlfriend Meenah along, and when the two showed up arm-in-arm, Dave knew that trouble was brewing.

“I got a table for four, Rose, not five. We can't sit with Vriska if there's five of us,” he said, pointing at the black-haired woman that was linked with his wife. “She needs to go.”

“We can pull a chair up to the table and they can all deal with it. Meenah and I haven't been spending much time together lately, and a nice lunch with friends will remedy that problem.” As rude as always Rose glared at Dave until he gave in to the reality that this woman he didn't like or really know would be dining with them, all because of another woman he really didn't like.

It got worse when Karkat and Terezi showed up, bringing with them two children that Dave hadn't actually seen since that baby shower adventure he had put together the previous summer. “Sorry that we brought these brats along,” Karkat said, his voice rather apologetic for the gruff guy he tried to be, “but we're in charge of them for the foreseeable future and they won't go to any babysitter without a fight.”

“That makes seven of us, and last time I checked, seven asses can't fit in four chairs.” Instantly realizing that he had cursed in front of small and impressionable children, he covered his mouth, before turning to glare back at Rose (who was still glaring at him from when she arrived). “We can't sit with Vriska and that means she doesn't get a tip from me this week. Fuck.”

“Covering your mouth doesn't mean Justice and Cherry can't hear you still!” Terezi's voice was grating as always, but added in with the fact that his weekly event that did good for a friend in need was effectively ruined, and it almost gave him a headache.

“Listen, I don't really care if those kids hear me, okay? I've got a bigger problem to deal with, and that is how we're going to include Vriska in all of this if there's too many of us!” Luckily there was a slight fix to the problem, seating them all in a cushy booth right near where their friend was taking her tables, so that she could stop by and chat with them if she wasn't busy. And, as a bonus, the woman who was serving them, some short and very curvy lady named Feferi, was a friend of Vriska's who she had been working with since way before she had this particular job. Things, although not how he would have liked them, were starting to actually go well.

“What are all these people doing here?” Everyone at the table, aside from the children, turned their heads at the sound of the shrill voice. Standing at the side of the table was Vriska, notepad for taking orders in hand and a confused look on her face. “I told you I only had tables that seat four, Dave. Can't you listen?”

He rolled his eyes behind his shades. “I can listen just fine, thanks. Rose brought her girlfriend along, and Karkat couldn't get out of babysitting duty. Sorry if you've got a problem with that, but it's just how it's gotta be today.”

“Eh, it's really whatever. I'm sure I'll be able to squeak by without your tip money this week.” She laughed, before walking off to one of her tables that had been recently sat. Everyone watched her, especially Dave, who did feel quite bad about not being able to help her out. The sarcasm in her voice before she left told the story, that his money helped her family a lot.

“See, this is why we don't bring extras to lunch,” he hissed once he knew she wasn't possibly going to overhear him. “We fuck Vriska over if we bring extras to lunch.”

“Language!” Terezi yelled, at the same time Karkat began explaining why they had brought extras along for the second time since they had arrived at the restaurant. Rose just sighed and lovingly stroked her girlfriend's arm, not caring that she was angering Dave even more by doing it. But she was angering him, and if it weren't for the fact that their server came to the table, he would have snapped and sent them all home.

The sight of someone much shorter than Vriska at the head of the table did catch Dave off guard a bit, but when she started asking for orders he had to calmly remember that she, this Feferi chick, had to take care of them because his friends had failed to inform him they were bringing others along. She seemed friendly enough, although she did have an air about her that felt like she didn't need the money she'd be making off of them. “You're all Vriska's regulars, right?” she asked, once she had their drink order down. “Her friends?”

“That's right. We come in and see her every single week.” Karkat pointed to himself, Terezi, and finally Dave. “Or, rather, the three of us do. We, ahem, fucked up a bit this week and brought some other people along.” He was slapped on the shoulder by Terezi for it, but he knew that the curse word was well-placed and needed.

She laughed, a distinct bubbly giggle that made Dave want to sock her in the face. “Well that's okay! It's nice to get to serve you _and_ my family today!” She motioned to the table next to the one they were at, a small set-up for no more than two people. “Maybe you all will be friends and we could all hang out sometime! Vriska's always talking about how great her friends are, after all.”

“Yeah, I think we'll take a rain check on that one,” Dave sarcastically replied. “We don't hang out with anyone outside our group. Hell, it's only because I'm married to the damn bitch that she's here.” He pointed a finger at Rose, who flipped him off. “And it's only because we're married against her will that this other chick is here.” His pointing turned to Meenah, who gave him the same gesture Rose did. “So don't think we're gonna be friends with your family.”

Feferi took a step back, nodding as Dave went on, and the second she finished she turned and headed out of the room. “That's no way to treat the wait staff, you know,” Rose said, her voice condescending. “You should be more polite. Now you'll have to tip her double, and she'll be able to rub it in Vriska's face.”

“Listen here, Rose, I don't have time for your bullshit. I told it like it is, and she couldn't handle it.” He shrugged. “And before anyone tells me to stop cursing, I really do not give a rat's ass if those kids can hear me. They shouldn't fucking be here.” His outburst, even if it was all said calmly and in a near-monotone, angered everyone he was with aside from the two children, who stared at him in wide-eyed wonder. The group remained silent until they were given their drinks, but the second Feferi stepped away again after getting what they wanted written down, they were back to not speaking to each other in anything above a whisper.

Dave started to stand up, to walk around and cool his head before he did anything rash, but Vriska's appearance stopped him. “I think I just saw someone I never thought I'd see again,” she hurriedly said, taking a few deep breaths. “How the fuck did he end up here?”

“Which he are you talking about?” Terezi, having completely given up on stopping anyone from corrupting her nephew and niece with the cursing, didn't so much as mention Vriska's word choice. “Is it your dad? Wait, have you ever even seen your dad?”

“No, it's not my dad.” She knelt down next to the table and rested her head on her hands. “It's someone worse. Someone I thought I left behind when I got with Tavros.”

Terezi paused for a second, before trying again. “Your...mom?”

“Ugh, no!” Vriska got back to her feet and shook her head, wringing her hands as she did. “I'm going to go talk to my tables and hope he doesn't see me. Don't start shit with him, you hear?” As no one knew who she was talking about, no one really knew how to react, and so she left with a deep sigh and more head shaking.

“Auntie, I gotta go potty,” one of the children said, tugging at Terezi's arm. Dave looked over long enough to see that it was Justice, the older one, who was saying it, and as he was male, she deferred it to Karkat, who required Dave to get up so that he could get himself and the child out of the booth. Once he was re-situated, the other child, Cherry, started to whine in broken sentences that she had to go too. Since Terezi was mostly blind and probably not the best adult to have escort a kid who wasn't fully potty-trained to the bathroom, she managed to convince Rose (and by extension Meenah) to take her instead.

That left just Dave and Terezi sitting at the table when things started happening around them. Those bubbly giggles were heard, and as Dave turned to look to see what Feferi was doing, and if she was bringing them their food, he saw that she was leading some scrawny-looking guy into the room, and he looked like he was talking to her about something. She led him to the table next to theirs, leading Dave to believe that he was either Feferi's brother or lover, and since he was the exact opposite of her physically, his features sharp compared to her rounded ones, it had to have been the second option.

She scurried off once he was seated, and Dave stared at him, something about this man that seemed so familiar to him. “What's going on?” Terezi asked in a hushed whisper. “I can't tell what's happening over there.”

“Eh, just looks like our waitress is banging a decently attractive guy, that's all.” He shrugged, trying to figure out where he had seen someone who looked like him before. “If you could see, I'm sure you'd be all over him. He looks like your kind of guy.”

“I don't know about that,” she replied with a laugh, before thanking Dave for filling her in on what she was missing. The giggling started up again, and Terezi was about to ask what was causing it, if there was another guy or something, but Dave happened to turn and see what Feferi was doing now and audibly gasped. It was one thing for him to gasp ironically, but this was gasping in genuine shock.

Their waitress was leading in someone Dave knew as Rose's ex-girlfriend, who was most definitely as bisexual as Rose herself was, and she was sporting a rather sizable stomach bump. When she was directed to the table, it left Dave with many more questions than he knew he'd get answers for, the most pressing of which being what the fuck was going on with Mr. Pointy Face, Rose's ex, and the too-bubbly Feferi.

* * *

“That's definitely her,” Rose said, once she was back to the table with her arms wrapped around Meenah in a tender embrace to bother anyone who would care. Her face was red with anger, though, and it was apparent that she was a bit peeved that her ex was in the same building as her. “I can't believe this.”

“You don't think they're sisters or something, do you?” Karkat was attempting to help the situation a bit, by throwing out any suggestions he could think of. “Because if they're not, then this is something really fucking weird that we're witnessing.”

“No, no, I would have heard of it if she had a sister, and the only cousin she has is tall, slender, and nothing like Feferi.” After taking a few deep breaths to control her anger, she continued to speak. “I think that she left me for the sake of a threesome. It's not something she would ever do, but it seems to be the only logical explanation right now.”

At the same time as each other, Dave and Meenah, who had remained mostly silent the entire time, looked at Rose and said, “Fuck logic.” They then glared at each other, due to the other stealing the sentiment they were feeling and wanting to share.

“I would love to fuck logic, but I simply cannot do that. I dated that girl. I know how she works. She did prefer men to women after all. I told her that was how it was, and she assured me that it wasn't true. What a liar.” She rested her head on Meenah's shoulder. “I never thought I'd see her again, and here she is.”

They all hushed up as Feferi approached the table, bringing with her their meals and a bunch of unanswered questions that no one wanted to address. As tempting as it was to ask about the duo at the table next to them, it was the safe option to just ignore it all and act as if nothing was going on at all. She could sense that there was something wrong, and left them rather quickly to go talk to her special guests, but once she was done with them, things took a turn for the weird. They were maybe a handful of bites into their food when the gentleman from the table came over to them, his eyes set solely on Dave. “Excuse me,” he said, giving Dave a small wave. “Are you a local DJ?”

“As a matter of fact, I am,” he replied, looking up and smiling at the man. Sure, he looked oddly familiar and was involved in something strange, but if he knew who he was, then Dave just had to be polite. “How do you know of me?”

“I saw you on a billboard ad the other day and tuned into your show that night.” Some of the letters in the man's sentence were said with extra emphasis, a speech tic that only slightly bothered everyone who was listening—except for Terezi, whose mostly sightless eyes were narrowing in disgust. “You were very entertaining, and it's nice to see such talent in the flesh.”

“Hold off on the compliments, you dirty pig.” Dave was just about to thank the man, but Terezi's angry words interrupted him. “I should have guessed she was talking about you.”

“Who the...Terez?” The man stepped closer to the table, leaning forward to look closely at Terezi to see her better. “Terezi Pyrope? Went to school with me? Used to play some D & D back in the day?” He sounded very excited to be recognized, but then he snorted. “Guess you really did go blind, huh? Deserved it, bitch.”

She attempted to stand up, but the table prevented her from getting to her feet. “If I was closer to you, I'd sock you in that ugly face of yours.”

“Whatever.” The guy gave a dramatic sigh, accompanied by an eyeroll behind his big-rimmed and fake glasses, as he stood back to full height and smiled. “I'm just here to meet DJ Stride Swag, that's all.” The way he pronounced the name Dave had taken for his business in music made everyone start to laugh, angering the man more than being called a pig did. “What the fuck is your problem? Did Terez there tell you a bunch of lies about me? You can't trust her, she had her mind tainted by that ignorant slut Vris...” He shuddered, and the laughter stopped, replaced by questioning stares and displeased huffs. “What's the problem now?”

“'Kay, dude, thought you were just a fan, but now you're getting a bit too weird for my tastes.” Dave slid out of the booth and stood, his full height barely an inch under the new guy's. “What's _your_ problem, talking shit about our friend when she's not even here?”

“Only person I talked any shit about was Vris, and why would someone with such refined tastes in music like yourself know who she is? She's a disgusting wench.” Without so much as a warning, Dave attacked the guy, grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back, before demanding that he say who he was and explain himself. “Ow, you fucker! The name's Eridan. Not like you've ever heard it before, I'm sure.”

“Hey hey, what is happening here?” Feferi, rushing to the scene, was able to get Dave off of Eridan without even getting physically involved, as her being a witness to the event could potentially have gotten him banned from the restaurant, and the last thing he wanted was to be unable to help his friend out anymore. “Were you two really just fighting?”

“Wasn't much of a fight, Fef. He attacked me for doin' what I do and talkin' shit about Vris. You know how it is.”

She looked from the two guys, Dave sitting back down and Eridan just standing there, staring back at her with an expression that simply said he felt he was innocent, over to where Vriska was in the opposite corner, helping out one of her tables. “...You mean, this entire time, you've been talking bad about someone I work with and I didn't know it? Better yet, you dated someone I've known for years?”

“Vriska isn't a common name, Fef! How could you have thought there'd be more than one bitch by that name!” He threw his hands in the air, purposely knocking a plate off of the table as he did. “I can't believe you're friends with her and you work together an—wait. Get her over here. Now.”

The malicious smile that was forming on his lips was enough to get Dave to stand back up, cracking his knuckles as he did. He wasn't going to let this guy get anywhere close to Vriska. But it was Rose, with a few words, who did more damage at that moment than any fist could. “May I ask a simple question?” she started, but continued without getting any answer. “What relation to you both is the woman that came in with you, Eridan?”

“Hm, Kan? She's our fuckin' girlfriend, that's who she is.” He focused his attention on Rose, who was shaking her head in disbelief. “Do you have a problem with that, just like everyone else seems to have a problem with somethin' or other?”

“I do have a problem with it. What did you do to my Kanaya?” The use of the word _my_ in her sentence earned her a few whispered objections from Meenah, but Rose was more worried about what had happened to her ex-girlfriend than the issues her current one had with the situation. “She wouldn't ever want that for herself.”

“How would you know that? She's not yours and she did want it, so stay out of our personal business.” Eridan had taken to the defensive, and he had Feferi repeating over and over that it was something that they had agreed to, that Kanaya had wanted it, that she had been eager and willing to participate.

Yet Rose didn't buy a word of it and ended the conversation abruptly when she got up, spat directly in Eridan's face, and demanded for Meenah to follow her. The dark-haired woman almost followed through without any issue, but when she was passing by Feferi, she stopped in her tracks. “You're a Peixes. A fish babe, ain't ya?”

Thinking that all the arguing and fighting was over, even with Eridan standing beside her fuming that he had been degraded by some woman, Feferi cheerfully nodded. “Sure am! What makes you bring that up?”

“A fish babe workin' in a place like this for li'l money? Somefin don't make sense here, but I'm not shore what it is.” She placed her hands on her hips and leaned into her face. “Water you doin' here, fish babe? I fuckin' looked up to your family, changed my name to Peixes 'cuz of your family, and yet you work in a place like this! What's up with that?”

“Well, you see, when I met Eridan, my family made me pick between him or their money, and while living the life of an heiress was fun, falling in love was so much mo—“ She was cut off by Meenah screaming. “—huh? What's the problem?”

“You gave up bein' head fish babe for a shrimp like him? Ugh, water ya gonna do when he leaves you for the woman you let him sleep with? Really, water ya gonna do?”

“As she's my girlfriend just as much as she is his, I don't think that'll ever be a problem.” It wasn't the answer Meenah wanted, and she returned to following Rose out of the place, grumbling the entire way out about how her dreams of fish family royalty were dashed by the behavior of someone who had been her idol.

At the table, Karkat got close to Terezi's ear and whispered to her, “Are you listening to what you started? Call one guy a pig and we end up learning about a threesome and someone's weird-as-shit fish kink.”

“In hindsight, maybe attacking someone I haven't heard about since graduating high school wasn't the brightest idea. But, hey, free entertainment.” She shrugged. “I bet Vriska's having fun listening to all of this, if she is.”

“I don't think she is, Terezi. I think this has managed to get her upset, because she hasn't taken one fucking step closer to us than the furthest table in the room.” He scanned the room for Vriska and, like he had just said, she was over in the corner, assisting the guests there and trying not to pay any attention to the commotion. “Maybe we should go now, before she does get involved and these kids see a cat fight.”

Terezi didn't argue with the logic, and without any fanfare or additional attacking, the couple and the two kids they were now in charge of left the same way Rose had minutes before. That just left Dave standing there in a fighting stance, Eridan clearly angry and ready to hurt someone, and Feferi blinking in a stunned silence from what Meenah had said to her. When Eridan decided to sit back down and ignore Dave completely, that was his cue to take his leave, first asking for the check to pay and then leaving only the exact amount of money to cover the meal, no more and no less.

He expected to be able to leave with no more trouble, but no sooner than he reached the front door did he feel a hand on his shoulder. “Unhand me, or I'll swing,” he threatened, before looking to see who was there. Instead of that rude Eridan, like he had thought it would be, it was Vriska.

“What did you do all that for?” she asked, letting go of him just in case he would still throw a punch at her. “Did you guys really have to start a fight with them?”

“It's your fault in the end. Terezi started it, and then he said some shit about you, and then it went downhill from there. I shouldn't have greeted him, but he was a fan.” He pushed his shades up on his nose a bit. “A fan that I knew from someone. Wish I would have remembered I'd seen him in one of your old yearbooks, to be honest.”

She gave him an exasperated look as he turned to face her. “I'm really okay with you trying to put him in his place, and that's not the problem. The problem is that you did it here, where me and Feferi work. So maybe I should have learned she was dating him...that they've been together ever since I met her...but that's not the point!” She put both hands on his arms and shook him a bit. “The point is that you are known as _my_ guests, and you behaved like this. What if they fire me?”

“They're not going to fire you, Vriska. They try and I will pay them to not.” He smirked, but let it fade when he saw the look that was still on Vriska's face. “You're not pleased, are you? Damn it.”

“I'm not pleased because I'm pretty sure they're going to send Feferi home for the day, and that means double work for me. All because you guys started this fight.” She sighed. “Guess it's a good money opportunity, since I didn't get your tip today...”

He thought for a second, sticking his hand into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. From inside the wallet he grabbed a small amount of cash, lifting it to show Vriska as he put his wallet away. “Here, take this. Dirk can suck it up and understand that you need money.”

She gasped, taking it and shoving it in her pocket. “Dave, you're such a great friend. A huge jerk, but a great friend.” She was going to hug him, but the sound of Eridan's voice yelling for the "rude asshole" to not leave made her get nervous and step away. "I can't deal with him here, sorry," she apologized. "Just don't fight too much more. I really don't need to lose my job over my ex."

"Got it, got it," he said with a handwave, and she walked away as fast as she could to escape any possible confrontation and to get back to work. Eridan appeared within seconds, his pale face bright red with lasting anger. "Yo, fuckface, what do you want from me now?"

"I want to know why that fuckin' happened, and I wanna know right now." He pushed Dave up against the glass a bit, a hollow noise echoing through the lobby as he hit. "Tell me, Stride Swag. Tell me why a cool dude like yourself is a huge douche."

"I'm a douche for standing up for my friend? Oh that's nice to know. I'll make sure to ask my listeners how they feel about that on my next broadcast." He tried to get free of Eridan's grasp but couldn't manage it. "Let me go, dude."

"I need answers. Fef's in there cryin' thanks to that fish bitch, and she's questionin' ever getting with me. Why did that happen?"

He attempted to shrug. "No idea. Meenah isn't my friend and I couldn't justify her actions if I tried."

"Whatever. I know Fef won't leave me. As for that other woman...why was she askin' about Kan? It's obvious me and Fef and Kan are all together, so why would she accuse me of doin' unspeakable stuff to Kan?" He sighed and loosened his grip. "I'm just a loving guy. A loyal man. Ive got two girlfriends, yeah, and almost kids with them both, but did I do somethin' wrong?"

Dave, finally squirming away, couldn't help but laugh. "You started shit with me and my friends, that's what. Next time, keep your dick comments about Vriska to yourself, will you?" He didn't stick around for an answer, leaving without any more resolution to the problem. There just didn't seem to be much more he could do without causing someone to suffer, and with the chance that it would be Vriska who would pay for his behavior, he couldn't risk it.

* * *

"So that Feferi girl you've worked with forever, she's been dating Eridan the whole time?" Tavros' voice was filled with skepticism, as if the proposition was just too unreal. "And you didn't find out until now?"

Vriska nodded, as she played her Gameboy with Snow on her lap. "Yep, that's right. It never came up, I guess. But now I know never to invite her over to dinner.” She cracked a smile and laughed, which caused the chain reaction of Snow giggling and, from right between his parents, Dante started to snort from happiness. “Aw, you kiddos, that wasn't a 'ha' laugh, that was a sad laugh. Not like you get the difference.”

Tavros shifted his eyes from his family over to where Dave sat, up against the door with his phone in hand. "Did you make him pay for attacking you?"

“Nope, didn't even handle the situation. I just got out of there. Your wife convinced me to not beat the shit out of that dick.” He shrugged, flipping through a bunch of incoming messages to his phone. “If it weren't for her, I'd probably be sitting in the slammer right now.”

“'Reeps!” Snow started screaming, causing everyone to turn their attention to her. She had her hands wrapped around the game, trying to pull it from Vriska's grasp. “Give 'Reeps, game!” Her outburst, which continued on for several minutes, left everyone there at a loss for words. They had been discussing the incident at the restaurant ever since Vriska had gotten home, and Snow and her little electric sheep fascination was the first real distraction the entire time.

“She's so cheerful. Kinda cute for a little brat.” Dave, not looking from his phone's screen, frowned when Snow's screaming turned from Pokémon to wanting to play with his phone. “Hey, no little babies touching this, you hear? I had to deal with kids today and I wasn't prepared for that. These two, yes, I'm always up for playing with my best bro's kids. Those kids...no.”

“Since when am I your best bro?”

He shrugged. “Since you became cool, actually hung out with me, and didn't unexpectedly bring children with you to lunch. Guess I taught Terezi's nephew a few choice words, though. Karkat's telling me he's been cursing up a storm, and I guess he also punched his sister in the face?”

“...Maybe you should leave before you teach Snow something she shouldn't know, _mijo_.” It was very rare for Tavros to slip any sort of Spanish into conversation, but when he did it meant that he was being serious, and it almost always involved his kids. “Or, at least, if you're gonna curse around my babies, do it so they can't understand it.”

“Your fuckin' kids can't grasp most of what I say, so I don't think there's a problem.”

“ _Cierra el hocico,_ Dave.” He stood up, metal braces clanging against the floor. “I asked you to leave, and that means go.” He started for where Dave was sitting, but the message had been given loud and clear, and within a minute Dave was gone. “Ugh, I hope he doesn't hate me for that. But he should know that cursing around these guys isn't allowed.”

“You still cursed around them.” Vriska, holding her game far from Snow's insistent hands, smiled at him. “You just did it in a language no one else understands.”

From the other side of the door he had just closed, Dave tried to search the internet for whatever Tavros had told him, because a curse to use in front of Terezi's niblings would be a curse that got him kicked out of an easygoing family's apartment. His attempt at spelling whatever he had been told was futile, and so he made his way back down to his place, hoping that his adventures of the day and the fights that had happened were a one-time thing, and that when he'd wake up the next morning, he'd never have a real argument with hurt feelings again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, the phrase Tavros says in Spanish can be translated "shut the fuck up", which fits the situation in which it was uttered. Also, I apologize for how long it took for this to get written and posted. The rest of the story shouldn't take nearly as long.


	3. Let's Not Keep Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave has a kiddie pool in his apartment. Naturally, this leads to parties, which can never end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this one feels much shorter than the previous two installments, that's because it is--there wasn't as much that needed to happen plot-wise in this one, and therefore I didn't attempt to fluff it up for the sake of words. What you get here is almost pure character development and plot.  
> ALSO, warning for racially-charged arguing and slurs (another reason this chapter is shorter, actually).

Of all the places to keep an inflatable swimming pool meant for children, the second bedroom in Dave's apartment was one of the least ideal locations, right next to a concrete floor, a porch, or a giant hill. But as it was an apartment, and he didn't have a lawn to put his pool on, the spare room was the best place he had access to. Why he even had the pool was a mystery to everyone, as the apartment complex had a pool open to all residents, but it was there and it was a thing that everyone had to respect and be completely mindful of when it came to coming and visiting him.

On most occasions, he made sure that no one dared to enter it, especially the small children that would find their way into his apartment. But on this particular night, with all possible kids as far away as they could get, he was comfortable with letting some of his friends chill out in the pool with him. That meant swimsuits, lots of drinks, and talking between him, Karkat, and Terezi, as they sat in water that barely covered their legs in the spare bedroom.

“I think we should make this a weekly thing,” he said, sipping on a freshly-opened beer, “because let's be honest. Sitting in this thing alone is lame.”

“You know you do have a wife to sit in here with you,” Karkat replied, before drinking from his own beverage of choice. “But let me guess, you like to ignore the fact that you're legally married to a lesbian.”

Dave rolled his eyes, setting his can down on the towel next to the pool. “I do like to forget that she lives here sometimes and occasionally fucks a pun-spewing woman in my bed, yes. The being married to her part really means nothing to me.”

“Oh, you sound like you're a bit jealous that the fish bitch gets action and you don't.” Karkat's comment was replied to with a kick and water splashed in his face. “Hey, I'm just telling it like it is. You want to get laid by her, lesbian or not.”

“I would rather have my dick cut off by a butter knife than have it anywhere near her.” Once again he rolled his eyes, before turning to Terezi and hoping that she wouldn't want to talk about his lack of a sex life. “So, you up for sitting in here weekly?”

“Depends on if it's going to end up like lunch, where the same thing happens every week and it's old and stale. If yes, then no, I'd rather listen to movies with Justice and Cherry than this. If no, then sure, as long as it's always fun.” She smiled, her head turned so that she was looking straight at him. “But really, it's a pool. It can't be fun forever.”

“I think I can buy some stuff to spice this thing up. Bubble machine, maybe?” He shrugged. “But as long as someone's up for it, I think this is definitely going to happen more.” His drink ended up in his hand again and he sipped on it once more, only stopping when he heard someone knocking at the door. “Did either of you invite someone?” he asked, as he set his drink back down and stood up, making sure to step on the towel and wrap himself up in another one.

They both shook their heads, as confused about the knocking as he was, which worried him a bit. Had something happened? Was this one of his other friends coming over and getting mad about him not inviting them? When he opened the door, he was met with the smell of fresh-made pizza, which answered both of his questions at once. “Uh, yo, didn't order anything,” he told the teenage boy who was doing the delivery. “You've got the wrong place.”

“The manager said that this is where I should deliver it,” the boy said in response, shoving the pizza towards Dave. “He said that it's not our responsibility to go past this floor.”

“Well your manager can suck a dick or two, because I didn't order the pizza and you can't expect me to pay for it.”

“The manager said you'll pay for it.”

He sighed, because he had this exchange with every single delivery person who ever came to his door for anything that wasn't his own, and with reason: sometime back in the past, someone had said the stairs to the third floor were too dangerous for deliveries to go up, and therefore the people on the second floor could foot the bill for anything. Which normally meant Dave was paying for anything the people above him wanted, and he got paid back when they came to get it. “Yeah, yeah, okay, lemme go get you some cash. How much is the order?”

The delivery boy told him the exact amount, but Dave ignored it and grabbed two twenties from his wallet which was located right by the door in case of this exact thing happening. When he handed the money to the boy in exchange for two pizzas and an order of breadsticks with sauce, the boy smiled. “Thanks, mister. No wonder people like delivering to your building. You're a swell dude.”

“Whatever, I'm just doing what's right. Now tell that manager of yours that the stairs aren't dangerous and you people can go up them, okay?” Dave gave the boy a pleading look, but he seemed too pleased with his money to notice it. When he was gone, the door was closed and the pizzas were put on the kitchen counter as Dave went back into the bedroom with the kiddie pool. “Someone upstairs ordered pizza,” he explained to his friends. “That's what the interruption was all about.”

“Did you pay for it?” Terezi asked, and when he said he did she shook her head. “Damn it Dave, you can't do that. What if the person who bought it doesn't want it after all?”

“Then there's pizza for me.” He shrugged. “I see no problem here.”

She groaned, grabbing at Karkat's arm and startling him. “I'm mostly blind and _I_ see a problem here. And I'm sure Karkat sees it too. You can't just buy other people's things!”

“It's literally something he's done like once a week since he bought this place, 'Rez,” Karkat said, prying her fingers off of his arm. “He's fucking used to it, which is really lame, but it's what he does. Dave does stupid shit like that.”

“I get it, he's trying to be all nice and everything, but come on! You legally bought it, which makes it yours. So what if you didn't order it?” Terezi, who had always been one for following laws and being as civil as possible, was definitely more for breaking the rules when she was slightly intoxicated. The pizzas weren't Dave's, but he did pay for them, and that meant he could eat them if he wanted to, a fact he had never really thought about until that very moment. “I say we feast on pizza like royalty, my friends.”

“Never thought I'd say this, but you're right Terezi. Let's go eat those pizzas!” Karkat and Terezi got out of the pool while Dave headed back to the kitchen, where food he hadn't wanted or even thought of ordering awaited him. The pizzas were rather lame, one being cheese and one with a variety of vegetables on it, but they were a delicious and unexpected treat to have. There was a slight sinking feeling in Dave's chest as he and his friends ate, one that directly dealt with whoever had ordered this meal and was inevitably going to come to pick it up.

As much as he should have expected it, he was not prepared for one of his other friends to knock on the door a few times in a specific, well-known pattern. “Come in,” he called out at whoever was there, just for Tavros to walk in with some cash in his hand. “Oh, it's you. Hey.”

“Hey, I figured my pizza got delivered here and, uh...” Tavros let his sentence trail off into a mess of random mumbles, as he looked between the three people who had situated themselves on the couch, all of whom had pieces of vegetable-topped pizza in their hands. “I thought you liked meat on your pizza.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, sure do.” Setting the slice back in the box on the table in front of them, Dave stood up and approached Tavros. “Now if you'd kindly leave, I don't have anything for you here.”

“You're acting really weird, Dave. Have you been drinking?” He didn't need an answer to that, because when Dave got close enough he was able to faintly smell alcohol on him. “Guess you have been. Look, I know you've got my order here and I even brought you the money for it this time.” He held up the cash, waving it around a bit. “Can I get my food, please?”

Dave shook his head. “Nope. I don't have it.”

“You don't?”

“Nah, they must have delivered it somewhere else. Check next door, I think the old geezer there gets as many deliveries as I do.” He broke his typically stoic demeanor to give the biggest shit-eating grin he could muster, and somehow Tavros bought it. He left the apartment, and Dave sat back down, laughing as he did. “What a dumbass. How doesn't he know that this is his order?”

The door came flying back open, for Tavros hadn't walked any further than the other side of it, and Dave was speaking loud enough to be heard outside. “What was that? Did you just say that's _mine_?”

“He sure fucking did,” Karkat replied with a smirk. “He paid for it, it's his.”

“No, it's not his! I ordered it and they delivered it here, but that doesn't make it his!” The door was slammed shut and Tavros came charging towards the three as fast as he could, his leg braces clacking against the floor. “You are eating the pizza that's supposed to feed my family tonight!”

“He paid for it, which means he owns it.” Finishing her piece, Terezi reached for another one before continuing her thought. “That means this is his and you have no right to it.”

“Dave doesn't even like pizza without meat on it!”

The mentioned man shrugged as he grabbed the piece he had been eating. “While I do enjoy the taste of pepperoni, what can I say? Your veggie-only pizza is pretty damn delicious.”

“You fucker, you even know it's my pizza and yet you're still eating it!” Tavros swung a fist at Dave, who dodged it and allowed him to hit the wall instead. A loud echo filled the room from the impact, which just angered Tavros more. “You're a dick, you know that? You're always doing shit like this and it's not funny!”

“I think it's funny. I didn't even order this pizza and I'm eating it.” Dave smiled again, which pushed Tavros to the point that if it was possible, he would have steam coming out of his ears. “I rightfully paid for this, which I can do with the money I have.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

But Dave was not going to shut up. “I love being white and having a job and a rich brother. I love having the money to tip the delivery guys, which you never pay me, you dirty wetback.”

Audible gasps could be heard from Karkat and Terezi both, who realized just how far Dave had gone. Tavros too knew how far things had progressed, as evidenced by how red his face was with anger. “I said shut the fuck up. Did you not hear me?”

“Gonna have to run it by me again, _ese_. Not understanding you with your accent.”

“ _¡Vete a la mierda!_ ” It was never a good moment when Tavros started using Spanish at anyone, and when he was not only throwing punches that Dave was dodging, but screaming in a language no one understood, he was at his maddest. “You're a fucking dick!”

“I've heard worse.” Grinning like he was enjoying making his friend so mad, Dave just continued to dodge what was being thrown at him. “Keep yelling at me, you know how happy it makes me.”

“Oh, I will, _¡hijo de puta!_ You've crossed the line too far this time for me to quit without making you suffer!” More punches were thrown, with only one connecting with Dave's face. It didn't phase him, however, and the grinning and yelling continued. “ _¡Concha de su madre!_ ”

Terezi blinked a few times, before shaking Karkat's arm in worry. “I think we should stop this before someone thinks someone's mom is being prostituted in here. I may not speak Spanish, but I understand enough to know what he keeps yelling.”

“Yeah, maybe you're right,” Karkat replied, standing up and attempting to restrain Tavros. “Let's calm the fuck down and be friends, okay? No more fighting.”

“You don't fucking slur at me and get away with it!” Tavros screamed, making Karkat feel as if he was going to go deaf in one ear. “He's a little bitch and I'm going to make him suffer for it!”

“All over a pizza dinner?”

Rather than listening to the reason that Karkat was trying to lay down, Tavros instead broke out of his grasp, threw the money he had been holding in Dave's face, grabbed what was left of the pizzas, and stormed out of the apartment. “I think that went over well,” Dave said, rubbing at where he had been punched with one hand while he tucked the money in his waistband with the other. “I bet he'll be back to apologize later.”

Neither Terezi nor Karkat wanted to point out that in order for Tavros to apologize for anything, Dave would have to apologize first for what he had said.

* * *

A couple of weeks later and it was back to the normal lunch hangout, the same people as always at what had become known as their regular table. “I can't wait to get off work today,” Vriska said with a grin as she approached the table to greet her friends, “because does anyone know what today is?”

“Just another early May day,” Dave replied, hoping that his unenthusiastic response would keep Vriska from going any further. He knew exactly what she was going to say, and he didn't want to hear it thanks to the events of that night with the drinking and the pizza. “Can you take our order now, please?”

Rather than press the issue, she complied with his demands. Once she had the order and was off the kitchen, Rose looked at Dave with curiosity in her eyes. “What's today to our dearest Vriska?”

“Don't ask me. I'm not speaking of it.”

“But I totally am,” Terezi interjected, waving her hand in front of Dave to get Rose's attention. “Today happens to be May fourth, which is Tavros' birthday. Which means she's probably got something nice planned for him.”

Dave took a deep breath, trying not to snap at Terezi. “I've said it before, don't mention that asshole around me. Please. He made it hard for me to eat for a week.”

“You called him a slur and ate his pizza. I'm surprised he didn't castrate you or something.” Karkat took a sip of the water that had been waiting for them at the table when they arrived. “You were being a royal pain in his ass and deserved every bit of that bruise you got.”

“Except not really? Now fucking drop this subject before I make you pay for the meal.” The threat got everyone to stop talking about anything even remotely related to Tavros, but when Vriska came back with their food she was unaware of the change in topic.

After making sure their plates were to their liking, she pulled up a chair and began conversing with them like she didn't have a job to do. “So today's someone special's birthday, and instead of doing that geeky 'May the fourth be with you' thing I do every year, which he totally loves and appreciates, I think I'm going to throw him a little party. Sound good?”

Dave groaned and covered his ears, but the other three were receptive to the suggestion. “I better be invited,” Terezi said, smiling as she tried to removed a hand from Dave's head so he could listen. “It's been a long time since we've partied hard.”

“I, uh, don't actually want you guys there. When I say party, I mean a private one-on-one kind of thing.” Everyone got what she was implying, but were still okay with the idea as a means of celebrating another year of age. “And whatever comes out of it, we'll be happy.”

Karkat took the time to take another sip of water, before promptly spitting it back into his cup. “You're not talking about making yet another fucking demon, are you?”

“Hey! Snow and Dante are anything but demons! But yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Me and Tavros have discussed it a lot and we think we're ready. Besides, we wouldn't need to get anything since we have all our stuff from those two!” Even though there was some cheering going on from the three people who were happy, the low groan coming from Dave was enough to catch Vriska's attention. “What's your problem?”

“I'd rather die than know that there's another hellspawn courtesy of that bastard.”

“Listen, Dave, I don't know what your problem with my husband is, but you should knock it off. He didn't do anything wrong.” She stood up and put her chair back where it belonged, realizing that she probably should get back to work. “Your attitude better be different when I come back over here, or else I will not be happy. Got it?”

Even though he said he did get it, his displeasure towards the tall and tanned guy who lived on the floor above him that happened to be married to the lady that was serving him lunch did not go away at all in the time she was gone. In fact, as he thought about what she had said that he had tried so hard to ignore, it had only gotten worse. And if they managed to have their way, he thought that maybe he'd started to dislike her too. 


	4. Let's Not Celebrate Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween, a perfect holiday for getting drunk and being rude to everyone, especially children. But this year, things go a little differently for Dave, and not everything is a good different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of alcohol use (to the point that it's being abused) in this chapter. Be warned of what may happen.

Living in an apartment building on Halloween was probably one of the worst situations to be in, especially for someone like Dave who saw the holiday as nothing more than a time to get completely wasted. Kids who lived in the building and the ones surrounding it were always knocking at the door, asking him for candy when he had nothing more than expensive alcohol to give out, and it drove him absolutely insane.

Add in the fact that perennial Halloween guests Karkat and Terezi had to drag along her nephew and niece and it was a recipe for disaster. “What do you mean, you can't send them out on their own?” Dave asked, watching the two kids running around his apartment's main room in their costumes. “Isn't he like six or something? That's how old I was when I started trick-or-treating on my own.”

“You can't put a six-year-old in charge of someone who's three,” Terezi replied, squinting at Dave to try and see him better. “Besides, if we let them out on their own I'm sure Justice will hurt someone or Cherry will get stolen. Easy as that.”

“So you're going to let them crash our party instead? How fucking lame is that.” In the months since that fateful lunch outing with the fighting, the regulations on cursing in front of the niblings had been loosened, especially since Karkat wasn't ever able to keep his mouth closed on the matter long enough to make any difference. “I hope you realize that you're ruining this holiday for me.”

“Like all the fucking brats who knock on the door each year don't ruin it more.” Karkat, dressed as a very grumpy lobster (the costume shop hadn't had a single crab all year and he had to go with the next best thing), watched the two kids as they ran. “These two will be saints compared to the riffraff who we'll see tonight, promise.”

“Or the riffraff we'll hear.” Pulling her dragon mask onto her head, Terezi chuckled. “I won't be seeing anything with this on.” To prove her point, she took a step forward and nearly trampled her niece, stepping on the little tail of her dinosaur costume and ripping it off. Cherry wasn't fazed by the almost near-death experience, until she looked at her aunt and screamed at the sight of a big scary dragon in the room. “Whoa, hey, who displeased the girl?”

Karkat couldn't help but snort at Terezi's ignorance. “You did.”

“Oh. Well it's not like I can see anything.”

Throwing his arms into the air, Dave made a sound that would be more often found coming from wild animals than humans. “What is with you people? This is not the Halloween party I was expecting! No one's even drunk yet and we're already dealing with stupid shit!”

“Sorry that I'm mostly blind.” Terezi had pulled her mask back off and was helping calm the now-crying girl down. “And sorry that you live in a terrible apartment building.”

As if it was a staged production, the door swung open right then, but instead of the candy-desiring children that Dave mentally feared it was, Rose came walking in, her cheeks red with anger. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Dave asked, honestly surprised to see his legal wife around when she probably had better things that she could be doing. “Did you mess your makeup up? Did Meenah decide that you weren't slutty enough?”

“Actually, she decided that it was too weird to have a girlfriend who's married, so she broke up with me.” Rose shot Dave the middle finger before headed towards their unwillingly shared bedroom. “Don't come bother me until you're ready to start getting hammered.”

“The way he's been talking, he's ready now,” Karkat sarcastically said, and his reply from the blonde woman was the middle finger from her other hand. “Just telling it like it is.”

She stopped at the end of the hall, turning to see everyone still in the living room. “I know you're telling it like it is, because if there's one thing Dave's better at than being a dick, it's getting smashed. And if he can do both at once, it's a great day for him. Especially when he's got orange wings attached to his arms.”

Dave looked at himself, in an orange bodysuit with those wings making him look like an overgrown bird. “Hey, it's Halloween. At least I know how to get into the spirit.”

“By drinking away your sanity and spending the next day completely hungover. I know how it is.” Rose turned back around and went into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Dave sighed and shook his head, because having her around was the absolute last thing he had wanted—even higher on the list than the presence of children.

On the topic of the children, Justice, dressed as a little warrior complete with fake sword, had grown tired of running around and had found himself a comfortable spot in the corner closest to the front door, which was still wide open from Rose's entrance. “Are there going to be other kids, or is it just gonna be me and Cherry tonight?” he asked, looking up at Dave with eyes wide and wondering. “You said you were my age and you went out alone...”

“Yo, hey, not my problem. Your uncle pretty much said no to that plan and that means you get to be the DD tonight.” Dave closed the front door as the sounds of small footsteps thundered down the stairs from an upper floor; it was starting time for the deluge of trick-or-treaters to make their rounds, and he didn't want someone thinking that his place was somewhere that free candy could be gotten.

“What's that?” Justice blinked a few times in confusion. “Is it fun?”

From against the wall, Karkat groaned. “We aren't making that kid drive us places. One, it's completely illegal. Two, he's six. Three, he wouldn't be able to reach the fucking pedals in anyone's car.”

“Why are we making Justice drive?” Terezi had been distracted by cheering her niece up, but now that Cherry was back to being happy and running around she was able to put all her focus in the boys' conversation. “Are we assuming that we're going to drink our way through three cases of beer and six bottles of wine tonight?”

“There's four of us, now that Rose is here. With the way we waste alcohol, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if we were all shitfaced and out of drinks by midnight.” Karkat leaned his head back and laughed. “Either that, or there'll be two and and half cases of beer left in the morning. There's no in-between with us.”

“...So I'm gonna get to drive the big car?”

“Fuck no.” Dave waved a hand at Justice, who made a disappointed noise at having his hopes crushed. “We're going to be just fine here. And I've even got some candy in the kitchen if you or that sister of yours want it, since you aren't going out. It was _supposed_ to be mine for the next month, but you kids deserve it more.”

The boy's eyes went from wonder-filled to shining with excitement. “This is better than the time Mommy took me to the needle guy's house for candy!” In shock, all three of the adults looked between each other (or, in Terezi's case, she tried her hardest to), while Cherry started asking for where her mom was. That was the end of that discussion for the time being, and that was also when the drinks were broken out. The night was young and there were drunken encounters with confused small children to be had, after all.

Each time there was a knock at the door, Dave with his large wings and slight buzz would answer it, telling whoever was there to go away and that there wasn't any candy to be had, even if it was visible from the opening that Justice or Cherry were eating from a large bowl of sugary treats. Turning away eager kids was the best part of the night for him, and each chance he got to do it, he relished in the sad faces and occasional tears that he received for his heartbreaking news. But doing this while drinking came at a cost, and the later it got, the more crude his conversations with the kids would be. At one point, he went so far as to tell the kid at the door that he would throw up all over him to get him to leave. The parents for that child threatened to have him kicked out for it, but he replied that he “had too much money for that shit” and that it would be pointless.

After that exchange, Karkat and Terezi decided that maybe it was for the best if he stepped away from the door for a bit. So instead of hanging out with the intention of turning kids away, he was locked in the bathroom for his own good. It was while he was in there that quite possibly the best group of the night came to the door, and he wouldn't have even known they were there if it weren't for some high-pitched child screaming his name out.

He emerged from the bathroom, cursing when he nearly ripped some of the feathers off of one of his wings. “What do you want?” he bellowed, too drunk to realize that he was being so loud. In his stupor, he had figured that the kid calling for him was one of the two that were in his apartment, and when they both looked at him and pointed to the door, he realized that it was not actually either of them.

It was little Casey, dressed up in a pink princess dress with a tiara atop her head. “Uncle Da-a-a-ave,” she called out, smiling as she did, because of the chorus of voices that followed hers. Right next to her, with a cardboard box and some fairy wings, was Dante, and on his other side was his sister Snow, in a mess of yellow fluff. Both of them dragged his name out further than Casey had—something he was sure they thought was cute, but he found it absolutely irritating. “We want candy please!”

“Go somewhere else.” He pushed Karkat away from the door and took his rightful place back by the apartment's entrance. “We aren't giving candy out here.”

Cherry happened to walk up beside him, a lollipop in her hand. She gave a small wave at Snow, who waved frantically back. “But it looks like she's got candy.”

“She's also in here. You are not in here, and that means you don't get my candy. Now get lost.” Dave's original sentence was going to be “get the fuck away”, but that happened to be the moment that John and Jade made it down the stairs and over to the door. Both of them dressed up as scientists, they looked like they were having about as much fun as someone could walking three small children around an apartment building. “Oh, hey, look who finally decided to show up. You two too good for my parties now, huh?”

“We'll be down here later, maybe,” John said, putting his hand on the top of his daughter's head. “Depends on how much of this we do tonight. It might just be an early night for us.”

“We're getting a bit old for raging parties, I think.” Wrapping both arms around John's body, Jade nuzzled her cheek into his shoulder. “Especially when we've got things to do tomorrow as well.”

One of Dave's orange-painted eyebrows cocked up noticeably over his sunglasses that he had adorned with feathers. “What kinds of things does anyone do the day after Halloween? I mean, sure, you've gotta fucking work or something, that's cool, but it's the day to nurse wicked hangovers and all that shit.”

Before either of the newcomers got to answer, a shrill voice gave him the reply that he had wanted. “They celebrate my birthday that you forget every single year, that's what they do tomorrow.” Both Snow and Dante started bouncing at the sound of the voice, and soon enough the person it belonged to had arrived, but all Dave could see from his vantage point was her head. “Don't you even try to remember that that's tomorrow?”

“Eh, too drunk to care. Why are you hiding, Vriska?”

She smiled at him, allowing him to actually notice the leaves painted on her cheeks. “No reason. Just didn't want to crowd anyone, that's all.” Her response was fake, and it was completely obvious to even the drunkest of Daves that something was up. “Drop the subject, please.”

“I don't think so. Tell me before I look. Is it your costume? Did your dumbass man get you in some ridiculous costume you can't stand?” He knew that he had hit the jackpot when both John and Jade started laughing, but still Vriska denied anything of the sort. “Come on, tell me. I don't want to move from this spot.”

It wasn't her who said something, but rather Casey in a very know-it-all sort of voice, speaking for the two younger children who weren't so skilled at proper sentences. “She's a pum'kin patch and the baby's the biggest pum'kin of all!”

As Dave started laughing hard enough to lose his breath, Vriska looked down in shame, making sure to glare in Casey's direction. “Okay, yeah, I'm hiding because of that. Worst costume idea ever, by the way. It's just a shame you don't get to see me with the 'farmer' who's in charge of me.”

“This is the most hilarious thing I've heard in a long time,” Dave said in between gasps for air. He found it incredibly funny and he wanted to make sure everyone knew it. His dramatic behavior grabbed the attention of almost everyone else in the apartment, save for Terezi who didn't care and wouldn't have been able to understand due to it being a visual thing. Even Rose, who had left the bedroom for a glass of wine, was compelled to see what was so funny.

Yet Vriska didn't move from where she stood, making sure that whenever someone tried to look around the corner more, she grabbed Snow and picked her up to cover her. “You can try to see all you want, but it's not anything you want to look at. Trust me.”

“Pu'me down!” Snow eventually whined, right as everyone who hadn't already seen the costume was looking. “Momma please!”

With a deep sigh, Vriska did as the girl wanted, setting her back down on the floor so she could scramble back over to her brother's side. The revelation wasn't as fun to Dave as he had been expecting, but it was still funny: like Casey had explained, she was indeed dressed up like a pumpkin patch, with little pumpkins painted onto her arms, neck, and shirt. But, also like Casey had explained, the biggest pumpkin of all was painted on her bare stomach, which was swollen with the life within it. “There, now you guys get to see what kind of 'great' costume idea Tavros had for me this year.”

“Of all the clever ideas that exist for dressing a pregnant woman for Halloween, I must say that this is one of the worst,” Rose commented, sipping from her glass of wine before walking away. Dave didn't have the ability to speak, as he had started laughing so hard that he was drowning everyone else out after Rose's exit. To him, the entire situation was hilarious, and he wanted to let that be known.

“It's not really that funny, okay thanks.” Vriska put her arms in front of her as some sort of shield, but the damage had already been done. “Besides, I'd like to see you come up with four costumes with little money. That shit's hard.”

Dave took off his glasses and wiped a tear from one of his eyes. “I'll never have to worry about that, so no. Nice to see that you're willing to be as low-class as that husband of yours.”

“I'm going to ignore that insult and chalk it up to you being drunk. Now let's get out of here, kids. Your daddy is waiting for us by the stairs.” Giving Dave a long glare before she went, she wrangled the little fluffy sheep girl and the box-wearing boy away from the door.

“You shouldn't be so mean, not in front of their kids,” Jade said, watching her friend head towards the staircase. “Or in front of Casey, for that matter. I thought you knew how to handle yourself around children.”

With a shrug, Dave replied, “I'm not really sure what I know how to do when I've been drinking so much. Think she'll come back to kick my ass later?”

“She said she was going to ignore what you said, so probably not.” John too was watching them leave, and once they were out of his line of sight he turned back to Dave. “You were kind of a jerk right then though. At least we had the decency to understand that making those kids into a Mareep and a truck meant more to them than giving themselves good costumes.”

“Hold the fuck up, that boy was a _truck_? He had wings!”

Quietly, Casey did the explaining that only a small child could. “Dante thinks trucks are cool, but he wanted my wings. So he got my wings and I just got to be a princess.” She sounded down about the situation, but her story made Dave realize that little kids were an awful lot like drunk people, because if he was trying to come up with his own costume at this point, he'd probably have picked a box and some wings as well. “Now do I get candy?”

“I said no candy.” He put his glasses back on his face, smiled at his friends, and slammed the door in front of them. “Now good day!”

On the other side of the door, he heard Casey say something about how mean he was, followed by John making some comment about how that's just how Dave always was. He wanted to retort that he was drunk, and that it gave him an excuse to be a jerk, but he felt that slamming the door in their faces was enough damage for that moment. “Way to go,” Karkat said, looking at Dave with a judgmental expression upon his face. “You scared them away.”

“That kid kept asking for candy. I turned her away. Easy as that.”

“You also laughed a bunch. What was up with that?” Terezi, her dragon mask on her face, sounded muffled but also a bit curious. “Did someone have the worst costume ever?”

Even thinking about what Vriska had been wearing brought Dave to tears once more, and he quickly explained what the big deal was. As it was something that really needed to be seen to understand the humor, Terezi didn't find it as funny as Dave had. But after a couple of hours of drinking, if she had gotten the chance to see it she would have laughed just as hard as he did.

The wonderful thing was, that exact situation happened. It was past ten when there was a knock at the front door. In a drunken stupor and having forgotten completely what night it was, Dave told whoever was there to just come on in. It never crossed his mind that he could have been inviting children that weren't related to someone present into the room, but thankfully that was not the case. Instead, it was Vriska, still in her terrible costume. “Give me something to drink,” she demanded, sitting on the couch in between Karkat and Terezi, both of whom had forgone their costumes. “Doesn't matter what. Just give me something.”

In the kitchen as she had relegated herself to being, Rose replied with a stumbling voice, “Can't do that, sweets. Babies and alcohol don't mix.”

“I don't really fucking care. I just need a drink.”

“Give her one, bitch.” Dave, laying on the floor with feathers splayed everywhere, was to the point of inebriation that he was nothing more than a decoration that occasionally wanted someone to funnel drinks into his mouth. “She's here, she gets to party.”

“I guess _one_ glass of wine shouldn't hurt her.” About a minute later, Rose stumbled into the living room, in her hands a glass filled to the rim with some variety of red wine. When it reached Vriska's hand, the drunk blonde had something to tell the recipient. “You don't get anything more than this, got it?”

Vriska nodded, taking the glass and knocking it back even though she would have preferred something not so dry and full as her only drink for the night. As she was drinking, Terezi was squinting at her and bursting into body-shaking laughter. “You're a fucking pumpkin,” she said between chortles. “Big and orange and full of seed.”

“Thanks for noticing.” When she was done with her wine she got back up and took the glass into the kitchen, where in the span of drinking the glass Rose had already found herself again. “Hey, you, get me another.”

“I said one was all you get. Sorry Vriska.”

“No, you don't understand. I need another.” Vriska set the glass down and put her hands on her hips to look more intimidating towards Rose. “Anything I can do to stay away from my place. If I'm drunk I can't go back.”

Rose thought for a second, then grabbed one of the beers from the second case of them. “I guess you can have one of these as well. Just only one, please. I'm pretty sure that drinking while pregnant is the worst thing you can do.”

“You act like I care.” She snatched the beer from Rose's grasp, opened it, and drank it as fast as she could. “Besides, I read somewhere recently that it won't hurt the baby once it's mostly developed. I'm like six months along, so it all should be fine.”

Rose looked hesitant in agreeing with her, but she shrugged it off. If Vriska wasn't so confident in what she had read, she wouldn't be asking for drinks, so there wasn't really any reason for her to refuse her anything else. And that was how Vriska ended up getting just as wasted as the other four adults in the apartment, eventually passing out on the couch after everyone else had gone off to do their own thing.

At around four in the morning, there was a loud round of rapid-fire knocking at the door, which woke Dave up from the slumber he had found himself in. He was in his bed, where he never remembered getting, with no clothing on whatsoever and a completely nude Rose laying next to him. He screamed in frustration, no memories of the previous night coming to him as he climbed from bed, put some pants on, and made it down the hall to the front door. On his way, he looked into the spare bedroom and saw Karkat and Terezi both asleep in the kiddie pool, with the niblings on the floor next to them. Nothing unusual.

Then he made it to the living room and saw Vriska on the couch and things started to click. She wasn't moving even in the slightest due to the noise, and that meant she was out cold. From what, he could only fear. He opened the door and was very nearly punched in the face by an absolutely furious Tavros, who stormed inside and went right over to where Vriska was. “Did you let her drink?” he asked, incredulous hints to his voice. “She smells like she spilled wine all over her.”

“Real talk, I don't remember what happened.” Dave's head was pounding a bit, the beginnings of his normal November first hangover setting in way earlier than normal. “Last I remember, she wasn't even here.”

Tavros shook Vriska's arm a few times, trying to wake her up. She eventually stirred, very much out of it and very much still drunk. “Oh no, this isn't happening. I let her hang with you because she's still your friend, and you let her get fucked up?” Tavros was mad, as each word he said was forceful and attempted to be intimidating. Then he broke out the Spanish. “If there's even the smallest thing wrong with her or our kid, _te voy a hacer una mierda liquida._ You'll wish you never fucked with me.”

Since it was so early in the morning, Dave figured that the entire incident would be forgotten about when the sun rose, but that was not the case at all. Long after they were both gone and he got the sleep he needed, that evening on the day of hangovers, he was reminded of what he had been woken up for when he found a note on his front door. It was hastily written, on what looked like the back of some report, and it spelled out in clear language that, if that night's incident caused any sort of damage to Vriska or the baby, there would be hell to pay.

But judging by the way Dave regularly found her outside either smoking or drinking after that night, he figured that any damage wouldn't be his fault. He had nothing to worry about, especially when it came to dealing with someone from that family. As far as he was concerned, he was one hundred percent done with them. Early morning threats were the last straw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't trust what Google Translate tells you the Spanish at the end is. It's something along the lines of "I'm gonna royally fuck you up" or, quite literally, "I'm going to make liquid shit out of you." Which is not what Translate will tell you.  
> Also wow there's one chapter left and then this is over??


	5. Let's Not Hold Grudges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the Christmas season, Dave still hates the people living upstairs, and everything is very much about to change for dear Mr. Strider.

It wasn’t so much that Dave didn’t really care about what Rose was telling him about people he had sworn to ignore and forget about, because listening to her long-winded stories about their misadventures was fun. It was that every time he heard her start talking about how they had done this-or-that, he started thinking back to the good days when he would be alongside them when they did all those things. And if there was one thing that Dave Strider didn’t like doing, it was miss hanging out with Tavros.

For the most part, from what he could tell from Rose’s stories, the guy was doing okay, even if he was still broke and a total asshole. But Dave didn’t care if he was doing well, because of those threats he had received after that particular incident that wasn’t even his fault. How was he supposed to be the one to blame for Vriska deciding she wanted to do some heavy drinking? He wasn’t her other half. He wasn’t responsible for her decisions. And so he wasn’t the one who was supposed to be blamed for anything. If anyone was going to be blamed, it was going to not be him, and it should be either the person taking part in the dangerous behaviors, or the person committed to her in marriage. Not the guy who lived downstairs and pretty much hated both of them with almost all of his being.

“Dave? Are you listening to me?” Rose broke him away from his inner hatred, and he realized that he had been thinking about those two in the middle of one of her stories about them. He muttered something about how he was indeed listening, and she gave a soft tut, shaking her head. “Let me guess, something I said about them got you thinking about them again, hm?”

“Sorry, but yeah, you caught me. You talking about that smug fuck just makes me think about how much I want to move out of this place and never see him again.” Rubbing his hands over his face to try and refocus himself, Dave couldn’t help but remember some of the better times he had gone through with the guy—and promptly telling himself that if he thought of those happy thoughts again, he really was going to move just to leave them behind. “But okay, where were you? Black Friday, right?”

“Precisely, Dave. I was telling you about what Jade and I witnessed transpire while we were out shopping. The security guards accused them of shoplifting, Dave. It was not a pretty sight.” He looked at her over the top of his sunglasses, confusion in his eyes. “Let me guess once more, you weren’t paying attention to when I said I went out with Jade that day.”

He nodded. “Right again.”

“You just heard me mention that I had seen your most favorite person out shopping, and decided to ignore me, correct?”

“Wow, you’re good at this deducing things about me. Why don’t you cut the psychoanalysis crap and just get back to your storytelling?” He hadn’t meant to sound so snappy, but he wasn’t exactly the happiest when it came to having to hear stories that involved Tavros, Vriska, or both of them. “Faster you get through with this, faster I’ll stop being sour about hearing about them.”

“We both know that’s not true, but whatever. You win this time, Dave.” Rose laughed, a soft chuckle that unwillingly brought the smallest of smiles to Dave’s face. “What’s that I see? Surely not real emotion from someone as stoic as a Strider!”

He made sure to straight-line his lips once more. “No smile here. Get on with the story, my _loving_ wife.”

“Sure thing.” With that, she got back to talking about being out Black Friday shopping as a companion to Jade, who just had to go out to get some pricey toy for Casey as a Christmas present, and how while they were checking out, they laid witness to probably the one thing that was both funny and completely infuriating when Dave heard about it: the security guard at the entrance of the store banning the couple upstairs from ever entering the store again on grounds of shoplifting. “You know, they may be relatively poor, but they are above stealing—or, at least, one of them is. And the one that was accused of it was the one who would never do it.”

“Uh huh,” Dave replied, starting to fade out of paying attention as he began to think about how he would have loved to have seen this happen, just so he could laugh at their misfortune. “Because he’s a wetback, yeah?”

“Technically yes, but I would have worded it in less of a racist way if I was the one saying it.” Rose knew that he wasn’t quite with her, so she hoped that what she was going to say next would get him back on the same page as her. “The guard stopped them because they were leaving without any bags or anything, for whatever reason, and then it got very ugly quite quickly. From where I was standing at the third register, all I could hear was the man arguing that there must have been something hidden in their jackets, which I do assume Tavros denied, but I cannot be sure. Then the guard told them to prove to him that they weren’t lying, and that was when Vriska started yelling and causing a scene.

“I’m fairly certain she was overreacting, but that’s what she always does, as I know you’re well aware. But I can say, in her defense, that the guard did have no right to lay a hand on her, although she also had no right to attack him like she did. I swear, between her drinking and the way she keeps putting herself in physical situations, that child is going to be born either dead or deformed.” That was where Rose shook her head and gave a long sigh. “And yes, I am aware that you are the one who will be in trouble if that happens. You have told me countless times about that threat.”

Naturally, Dave had stopped paying attention the first time a name was mentioned of someone he didn’t like, and so when the threat got brought up, he wasn’t aware of the context for it. For all he knew, she was just talking about it to make sure he was listening, which he wasn’t. For the couple of moments she had been talking about the guard and the couple, he had been imagining life without ever having met them. What if he hadn’t decided to live in the same building as John and had chosen to live floors below his best bro Karkat? What if he just had never left Texas with his brother to begin with? What if he hadn’t tried to be friends with the only racially diverse couple in the entire building to make himself look like he wasn’t a racial slur-using douchebag?

“Dave?” Rose asked, much like he had done before. “Still with me?”

Now it was his time to shake his head. “Nah, and I don’t think I’m going to be.” He stood up, looking at Rose as she just stared at him. “Gotta go clear my head. I’ll be back once I’m thinking straight again, but we both know that when I get back, you’ll start yakking my ear off once more, and it’s an endless cycle that I’m going to break right now.”

“Don’t do anything stupid while you’re out there, okay? Last thing we need is for you to get arrested and for your brother to need to get involved here, because you and I both know that he will find this situation funnier than any of his puppet porn ever could be.” She averted her eyes so it didn’t look so much like she was staring, and that was when he went to the door and opened it. “One last thing. If you see either of them out there, just walk by, don’t say anything, and whatever you do, do not approach them. I know you, and you’ll just make the whole situation worse.”

He waved his hand to shush her. “Don’t worry, I know how it goes. Can’t get myself in trouble with the law this close to hell month.” After that, and the subsequent eyeroll she gave him, he was gone, headed downstairs to go outside to take a walk around the block. It was a crisp fall afternoon, and he figured that there wouldn’t be too many other people outside to distract him from getting his mind off certain things.

How wrong he was. Right outside the building, her back against the bricks, a bottle of something in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other, stood Vriska, obviously trying to hide the fact that she was doing two things she wasn’t supposed to be doing from Tavros. She gave him a small wave with the hand that had less in it, and he gave one back, before mentally scolding himself for doing something so stupid and thoughtless. He wasn’t supposed to be friendly towards her, not when her husband was out for his blood! That was why he began to run away from the situation, keeping his cool guy façade on so it seemed like he had been intending to go on a light jog the entire time, so that she wouldn’t suspect a thing.

The entire time he was out there, he couldn’t manage to push the mental image of what he had seen away. He would think he was finally clear of thinking about those two, and then what he had walked outside to see would come rushing back to him: the sight of someone he used to hang out with regularly, someone he knew had gone through so much in the time he had known her, using things toxic not only to herself but to the child she carried within her. It was an ugly picture, and he hated himself for not being able to let it go, but the worst thing about it all was that there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Any course of action he could possibly take would get Tavros out on his tail again, and the last thing he needed was that. Things were fine the way they were.

Even if such things meant that Dave was stuck imagining that pitiful sight of Vriska for the foreseeable future.

* * *

Every single year, the holiday season was when Dave tried to spend the least amount of time around home, and this year was one where he had many reasons to do such a thing. With the amount of jobs he managed to pile upon himself every year, it was very easily done. Between his radio show, his job at the grocery store, and having to help Dirk out with the puppet porn that gave them both their money, he already had a lot on his plate, but with the holidays and other circumstances, he just kept adding more—moonlighting as the local mall Santa twice a week, and working the floor at a big-box store. Normally, there wasn’t a reason for why he worked himself ragged like this for a month, but with those people upstairs that he wanted so badly to avoid, he was glad to be working so much.

The first week of December was always the easiest, even though it was the beginning of the month of nothing but work; this was because, well, it was the week where he did the least amount of work overall. The first day of the month was Jade’s birthday, and he treated her and John both to a lunch where they hung out and spent time together, something that would be rare for the rest of the month, which was followed by him working the retail job that night. The third was his own birthday, as well as his brother’s, and they spent that whole morning making puppet porn to Dirk’s liking, just for Dave to have to play Santa that night. And then the following day was Rose and her mother’s birthday, and as they were family, they got a Strider-supplied party over at Roxy’s place for the early afternoon, because that was all Dave could be around for. After all, he had a radio show to do that night.

For the remainder of the month, he was lucky if he got more than just the late night hours off for himself, and that was the way he liked it. Not having to be home meant abandoning all of his responsibilities in the form of social commitments, and that meant he wouldn’t have to worry about seeing anyone he didn’t like. At least, that was how it worked out on paper, and that was how it went for the first twenty-one days of the month.

Come December twenty-second, the Sunday before Christmas, that whole plan went straight out the window as he was working at the retail store, managing the lines of people who had waited until almost the last minute to do their shopping for the holiday. He didn’t particularly like the job he was expected to do, but being able to listen to people gripe about having to wait in line while they themselves had overflowing carts was oddly hilarious to him. People who were part of the problem while complaining about said problem were always a gem to get to witness.

He had been directing people into orderly lines, ones that wrapped most of the way through the front of the store, for hours before anything of interest happened. When it did, he was standing right by the entrance doors to see it, and when he saw the couple coming in through those sliding glass doors, he let out a groan. Why, of all the stores in town, were they at the one he worked at each holiday season? Then he remembered that story Rose had tried to tell him about Black Friday, and since this store was the only one around even comparable to that one, it was a natural choice that they’d come to this place rather than go to the place they’d been banned from.

They grabbed a cart and he began to stealthily follow them through the store, only stopping when a call for a floor associate to go to an aisle on the other side of the place, to clean up a bodily fluid mess, was made, and he was the one expected to go. Having to clean up some sick person’s vomit mess wasn’t enough to take his mind off of those two, though, and once he was done and everything was thoroughly sanitized, he went back to trying to find where they were in the store, and what they were doing.

As he watched them throw more and more into their cart, he couldn’t help but think about how they were able to afford so much stuff, when they had so many other things to be paying for. Two kids, plus a third on the way, and everything else that life had handed them, didn’t ever leave them with spending money, a fact that Dave knew all too well. Hadn’t he wanted to be able to pay for things for them so many times before, just to not be allowed to due to that stupid contract him and Dirk had? Well, now he wasn’t going to volunteer his money for the sake of their family, and he was able to think negatively about them and their spending habits.

Of course, his stalking of them had to meet its end at some point, and that was when the manager on duty, a bulky man who towered over Dave, caught him in the act and ordered for him to get back up to the front of the store, where he was supposed to be. When unrestrained by a worker, the public didn’t seem to know how to make orderly lines, and that meant that Dave needed to get back to doing his job. And so he went, going back to the mundane and boring job of telling people that they were cutting in line if they started up where they were, and that they needed to go to the end of the line to begin their checkout experience. People complained, he had to put on a straight face, and no one was happy.

Even less people were happy later, over an hour and a half since the mess clean up in aisle sixteen, when the lines were even longer and the people just kept coming into the store. Dave was about at the end of his rope, having just had to tell people who didn’t speak English or anything close to it that they weren’t allowed to just jump to the open checkout, because there was a line to wait in, when he saw out of the corner of his eye a cart that he had watched been filled. He turned and saw that yes, it was indeed Tavros and Vriska, waiting their turn in line, with a cart nearly overflowing with things they were going to give their kids as gifts that year.

He shouldn’t have said anything. He should have just looked away and gone back to telling people they were in the wrong spot. But something inside of Dave told him that he needed a break from work, that he needed to cause some trouble. And that was when he walked over to the couple and put a hand on their cart. “’Sup?” he asked, getting their attention. “We don’t serve people like you here.”

“Oh, uh, it’s you.” There was disgust in his voice, and Tavros made sure to not look at Dave as he continued to speak. “I don’t appreciate that comment, and I’d like to speak to your manager about this.”

“Sorry, manager doesn’t talk to people who are going to just have to leave because they can’t pay for their shit.” Dave had a smug grin on his face, hoping that he was striking a nerve in the tanned guy he was talking to, which he apparently was by the way Tavros was looking anywhere but at him. “What’s the matter? Got nothing to say to me?”

He sputtered for a second, just letting Dave make that grin even bigger, before spitting out what he did have to say. “I could think of all the words I know in the two languages I speak, and there’s not a single phrase I could use that would tell you how much I dislike you.” Coming from someone as normally mild-mannered as Tavros, it was something to behold, but the moment to behold it was ruined by Vriska whining about something or other, whatever it was not being nearly important enough for Dave to pay attention to it. “Please go away, leave us alone, and all that.”

“No can do. You’re in my store now, and you know what people do in my store? They get their daily dose of Strider.” Dave picked up one of the toys in the car, a little cloth doll, and threw it to the floor. “Whoops, sorry about that. Bet Snow just loves dirty toys though, yeah? It’s all you two can afford.”

“Pick it up, Dave.” The words had force behind them, but that force was diminished when Tavros didn’t add anything else to it to make it seem like he had more fight in himself. Dave laughed and he narrowed his eyes, finally making eye contact with the Strider—but once again, Vriska’s whines, which Dave still was ignoring, ruined the moment. “No, not now. We put this off until today. You said today was the best day for shopping.”

“No, I know I said that, but it’s not. I thought we’d get lucky out here, but we aren’t going to, so can we please go? Something’s very wrong.” The words were said softly, much like Vriska used to speak right after the whole thing that had happened to her on the stairs had gone down, but they were said with such a tone that she sounded like she was trying not to cry. “You can get all this later, can’t you?”

“I can, but—“ Tavros got cut off by Dave, who started snickering. “—okay that’s it buddy, we are going to have a problem here if you don’t stop. I asked you to go, you said no, and I respected that, but laughing when my sweet Vriska is having some sort of problem? That’s where I draw the line.”

Dave’s snickers turned into real laughs. “Uh huh, like you’ve ever stopped me before. You threaten and threaten and you’ve got no force behind anything you say. You’re just a poor wimp with braces on his legs who can’t do anything worth a damn.”

“Take that back. I have more of a life than you do, and that means something to me. You’re jealous of what I have and we both know that. So what if you have money? I have a family to love that loves me. What do you have? A wife you never wanted?” Stepping away from the cart just a bit, Tavros actually made the move to grab Dave’s arm and pull him away as well. “I want you to apologize for what you’ve done today. You had no need to come bother us.”

“Like I said, you came to my place, and I like giving everyone their dose of Strider.” His arm was squeezed tightly, and that was when Dave realized that Tavros wasn’t playing around at this moment. If anything, he was more serious and mean now than he had ever been around Dave, and that was including the incident that led to the death threat letter. “Okay, okay, geeze, looks like someone’s got no sense of humor.”

“More like, I don’t have a sense of tolerance when it comes to the racist asshole who fueled the love of my life’s addiction to things that could have killed her.” Tavros stepped back to Vriska’s side, letting go of Dave’s arm as he did. “But what does her life mean to you? Or what does our baby’s life mean? Nothing, of course, because you’re all about you. Everything is all about Dave Strider, and not about anyone else.”

Rubbing at his arm where it had been squeezed, it dawned on Dave that maybe Tavros was right about that. He didn’t really care about others most of the time, just when he felt they needed him, and when had he felt that Vriska needed his help while she was spiraling into the alcohol-addicted woman that was before him? He hadn’t, that was what, and if he had, maybe he wouldn’t have just let he suffer. “Okay, so maybe I’m a dick. Congrats, pretty sure everyone knows that. Do you think attacking me while I’m at work will change that?”

“No, nothing will change how you are. You’ve been a dick since we met, and I’ll still hold you responsible if anything goes wrong.” There was a trace of a smile on Tavros’ face, one that Dave noticed and used to realize that this guy here, he wasn’t capable of holding a grudge worth anything. He just wanted to seem like he was protecting the ones he loved, and that was it. Even after the terrible things Dave had said, there was still some sort of attachment that this guy had towards him, and that had stopped there from being a bigger ordeal than the little argument that had happened right there.

Maybe patching up things wouldn’t have been such a bad idea, and with that in mind, Dave bent over to pick that doll up from on the floor. But while he was looking down to get it, he noticed a red splotch on the floor, between a pair of legs, and, while lifting the doll up and putting it back into the cart, his eyes tracked to see if he could find where the blood was coming from, hoping that it was just a cut on someone’s hand or something.

The usually stoic Dave Strider actually screamed when he saw that the source was obscured by the crotch of Vriska’s pants, which were soaked in the red. “Holy shit, what’s wrong with you?” he asked, shocked at what he was seeing. “Thought pregnant women didn’t do that kind of thing!”

“I said something was wrong, didn’t I?” she snapped, her voice wavering as she did. “But you two had to just keep going on with your fight and ignored that I warned about this!” As she spoke and the wavering got worse, Tavros started to panic, obvious in the way he started to shake and look around frantically. It only got worse when she nearly fell over, catching herself on the cart, and he about fell with her. “God damn it, we need to go. Just…we’ll have to leave this. Sucks, but I think I’m dying or something.”

Even in such a situation, she still had a small sense of humor, and that made the fact that they didn’t know what was happening, and that she very well could have been dying, a little less serious. “Dave, I’m sorry to have to do this to you on such a busy day, but could you maybe hide this cart for me? I’d rather not have to find everything all over again when I get to come back.” Now Tavros was having a shaky voice, as he righted Vriska and tried to get her headed towards the door. “If you could just help me out, after everything…”

“Don’t worry about it, dude. I’ll take care of things for you.” Dave gave a thumbs up, called for someone to come clean up the mess, citing that he had been the one who was forced into cleaning up the vomit mess so that he didn’t have to clean the blood, and tried to come up with a solution to the problem. After all, he had told Tavros he’d take care of things, hadn’t he?

But was it wrong for him to keep standing in line in place of someone else? Of course it was. He was supposed to tell people that kind of activity wasn’t allowed. Adding in the fact that he was on the clock and could be punished for what he was trying to do, and everything about this entire situation had the potential to get very, very ugly as quickly as it already had gotten bad. But what was he supposed to do here? His job?

There was a fine line in Dave’s morality, and he knew that not putting away the cart full of toys and gifts was the right option from where he was standing, based on the fact that, as far as he knew, the only reason the emergency that had just transpired had happened was because Vriska had been waiting in this very same line and something with standing up just didn’t agree with her. By putting everything back, he was just rubbing it in that something had gone wrong, and he would be punishing them for what had happened.

“Strider, what are you doing?” He was steps from being able to start putting items on the conveyor belt, and the sound of his boss’ voice sent shivers down his back. “Aren’t you on the clock?”

“Sure am, sir,” he replied, not looking at the big man he knew was right behind him.

“You know the rules. No purchases while on the clock.” The cart started to move, as the man was beginning to pull it towards himself. “Now go put these th—are these children’s toys?”

Dave nodded, as he pulled the cart back to where it had been. “Yep, looks like it.”

“Go put these away, Strider. You aren’t being paid to waste your time doing some shopping.”

Shaking his head this time, Dave stepped just a bit closer to the register, where enough room had opened up on the conveyor belt so that he could start putting a couple things on it. “Can’t do that, sir. This is more important.”

“More important? Listen, I get it, you’ve got friends who’ve got kids, and you want to do the Santa thing. But this isn’t the time or the place for this nonsense, so put these things away so that loyal and paying customers can buy them!” By now, a few other people in line had noticed what was happening, and they were watching intently, waiting to see what other acts of defiance Dave was going to perform. The first one, naturally, was to pull more things from the cart and put them with the others. “Strider! Are you disobeying the man who signs your checks?”

He looked from the cart, which was still mostly full of toys, to what he had already put on the belt, and turned to look up and into the boss’ face. “Sure am, sir,” he said once more. “Sorry to burst your bubble.”

The man’s face began to turn red in anger, as he began to let loose on this disobedient worker of his. “Strider, you are this,” he held up a hand, with two fingers impossibly close to one another, “close to getting fired. Do not pass go. Do not collect any money. I will burn your checks and every good recommendation I would ever give you if you keep this up.”

“Sorry, but not really. Weren’t you watching when the people who filled this cart had to leave because one of them started bleeding all over the floor?” Dave wasn’t one to show his anger in his face like his boss was, but he certainly was mad, shaking where he stood. “Do you expect me to just ignore the fact that they were here for almost two hours, half of that being spent in line for this stuff?” He motioned to the cart and everything within it. “And do you expect me to ignore the fact that the guy fucking asked me to take care of this stuff for him, so that he could get it when he came back?”

“I’ll let that profanity slide this time, Strider, but what I won’t let slide is your ignorance for company policy!” The man grabbed the cart and pulled it towards himself once more, but Dave was there, grabbing it again to stop him. “That gentleman, whether he was your brother or a random man, does not get to use you to bypass this line, nor does he get preferential treatment just because you felt pity for him! Put these things back, and he can do like everyone else and get them once more when he returns!”’

“No, I’m not doing it. I know I’m a douche, a huge dick, and a terrible person. I know I’ve done many things wrong in my life, but you know what else I know? I know that not buying this stuff for them would be the worst thing I could do! And you know what that’s on top of?” It was too late to stop Dave from continuing on, and he was too angered to care that he was sealing his fate with every word. “I used to be best friends with that guy. His name’s Tavros. Real quality guy. And I fucked things up with him. Called him some racist things. Ruined what we had between us. And instead of being a man and apologizing for it, I just acted like it never happened, and that led to me being partially responsible for his wife becoming a raging alcoholic. And do you know what _that_ led to?

“It led to death threats, to me being a total dickhead to them, and to what happened here today, I’m pretty sure.” He started to slam the cart into his boss’ stomach, making the big man angrier. “Look at this stuff. Fucking look at it! That couple, they’ve got these two kids that won’t be getting a Christmas if they don’t get these things. I can’t take back all the shit I’ve said and done in the past, but you know what I can do? I can make sure that those kids get the gifts they deserve.” He turned around and started putting things back on the conveyor belt, as everyone around him just looked in his direction in awe. But he wasn’t finished speaking, as he had one last thing to say: “I’m doing the right thing here. For Tavros, and for Vriska, and for their kids. And if you have a problem with that, well, fuck you! I may  be a douche, but god damn it, I’m David Strider, and I am not going to let being a douche ruin someone’s Christmas!”

The man tried to speak, but a loud round of applause, from the witnesses of what had just happened, drowned him out for a minute or so. Once the clapping died down, he put a hand on Dave’s shoulder, grasping it tightly. “Good for you, standing up for what you believe in. However, the workplace is no place for this behavior, and you and I will have a nice, long chat about this once you are finished here. I can assure you, this store will no longer need your services.” Replacing the applause from before was a loud roaring boo, as everyone had heard the boss’ final judgment, and Dave paled more than normal, realizing that he had been fired from a job for the first time.

Ultimately, though, Dave got to do what he felt was the right thing overall, and after spending over three hundred dollars on the contents of that cart (he first wondered how Tavros would have managed to pay for it, then stopped himself and just thought about how he was going to let the guy use that money some other way), plus taking that trip to the manager’s office to have the “death sentence” handed down to him, he was out of that place. What good was working a job that put money before people, anyway?

People were always going to be more important.

* * *

Getting back to the apartment building with his car full of bags that held presents that weren’t his, the first order of business Dave had was to get those gifts in the apartment they belonged in. The problem there was, he didn’t have a key to get in, and he was pretty sure the only people who had one were the ones he was doing this for. So he moved that goal to second on the list, and headed up to the fifth floor of the building, where the other apartment he needed to stop in was located. Seeing the surprised looks on both John and Jade’s faces when he came in was enough to make him question why they would be so shocked that he was there, and then he heard the screaming that _was_ the reason.

“Uncle Dave!” Casey’s voice was the first one he picked out, because she was the one who was able to say both words clearly and properly, but he could hear Snow and Dante both trying to make sense of the words too. “Hi!”

“Yeah, hey there kiddo,” he said with a wave, before blocking the kids out completely and focusing on the adults who were present. “We’ve got a problem.”

“Is the problem that you’re not at work?” John asked, laughing as he did, but the serious look that Dave had on his face was enough to get him to stop. “Guess not. What’s the matter, if it’s not that?”

Dave looked over at the kids, all of whom were sitting on the couch, then back to the adults. “I’d rather not say it with them listening. It’s a bit, uh, rough.” At that, Jade told all three of the kids to go into Casey’s room to play, and there was only a little arguing about how that wasn’t fair before they went. Once the door was securely shut, he felt like he could talk. “So, okay, Tavros and Vriska came into the store today. And while I think we made up, maybe, I don’t know if it even really matters because she’s dying. Or something like that. There was a lot of blood.”

Jade’s eyes widened, while John scrambled for his phone to send a message off in their direction, to see what was happening. “Blood? But…why?” As Jade tried to think of what could possibly have been the cause, not wanting to even dare suggest the thing that was on all of their minds, John got the confirmation through a message, wordlessly passing the phone to his wife, who nodded quietly and handed it off to Dave. What he saw on the phone wasn’t anything he didn’t suspect, but it was something he hadn’t wanted to consider. All of those destructive behaviors he had witnessed over the past couple of months, the ones he had allowed in the first place at his Halloween party, had come back to bite Vriska hard.

“Do you think we’ll be able to go see her?” he managed to ask, handing the phone back to John, who shrugged. “Damn. I really think I need to apologize to her for this one.”

“Dave, don’t do this. You aren’t to blame for this.” Jade was still shaking her head, looking between the guys as she did. “I tried to talk her out of what she was doing, and it didn’t work. She was going to drink and smoke and try to kill that poor baby, regardless of what any of us did.”

“You don’t understand though!” Hitting the wall with his hand wasn’t the smartest of ideas, but it was what Dave did. “I let her drink at that party! She became a drunk because of me!” He hit the wall again, and again, and again, until he slumped up against it, tears actually welling up in his eyes. “She’s actually dying and there’s no one to blame for it but me.”

John was still on his phone, trying to get more details, but he wasn’t getting much to help convince Dave otherwise. “Hey, don’t get down on yourself. Jade’s right, she tried to stop Vriska, and so did I. There wasn’t anything any of us could have done to make this situation better, and she’s probably not dying. Things will be better tomorrow, I’m sure.”

Despite the optimism, there wasn’t much that could have gotten better. When the next day came, Dave woke to the notification light on his phone going off, several missed messages from different sources waiting for him to read them. The first one was from his brother, stating that he was in big trouble for spending so much money the day before, which he promptly deleted. Why worry about that dumb situation, especially when there was a pile of toys in the kiddie pool room that he had bought with that money he was supposed to use on himself? The second message was from John, a reassuring message that said that he had heard from the couple and that things were slightly, just slightly, better from the day before, and that he was only sending the word because he was sure that neither of them would have his number anymore.

The last two messages were from the same source, a number that Dave had never actually bothered to delete, even when he had hated the guy with all his being. It was an invitation to come and see them, just for him, to thank him for his presence at the store the day before, even though it hadn’t been a happy time. On top of that, it was a message that assured him that everyone was okay, and that no one was dying—even though, for the time being, there was no way of knowing if the tiny little baby the world wasn’t quite ready for was going to be able to live up to his namesakes and thrive.

* * *

Due to the circumstances around his birth, Rufio was always a bit special, especially in comparison with both of his older siblings. While Snow was always for playing her video games and Dante was always wanting to hear stories, there wasn’t much of anything that the youngest of the three particularly liked.

His sister would clamor for time to sit in her mom’s lap and play Pokémon with her. His brother would whine and whine until someone would read to him. And Rufio would just lay there, not wanting to be around either parent or either sibling, just wanting to be with himself and his own thoughts, but whenever his parents would check up on him, he would be staring at them, his eyes crossed and a big smile on his face. He loved being with them together, never separate, and it made for interesting times when they’d be working and unable to both be with him.

When he had been born, everyone had thought he’d be unable to function properly, because of how wrong everything had gone for him; they were all wrong, even if he wasn’t exactly like his siblings were. He grew up needing someone there to hold his hand through everything, someone to give him an extra push when it came to doing almost anything on his own. His first steps were more shaky than the typical child’s, his legs literally contorting themselves in weird ways from underneath him. The first time he spoke, his parents cried, because they had never thought that this precious child would say anything, as he waited until he was nearly three years old to speak that once.

And the first time he took a crayon in his left hand and drew a dinosaur on the wall, while it was a terrible thing to have to clean up, was a momentous occasion. Sure, this kid was still shaky when he walked, he barely ever said anything, and he always needed help putting his clothes on in the morning, but he could draw something and be proud of it. Snow complained that letting him draw on the walls was a terrible idea, and Dante was quick to talk about something he’d read that said that walls of apartments were meant to be bare, but they would quickly be hushed in favor of letting their special needs younger brother have his moment.

Much like Snow was her parents’ favorite, and Dante was John and Jade’s, someone had found the power to claim Rufio as their favorite—and every time he saw Dave, he made sure to plant a big kiss on his cheek and show him the newest picture of a dinosaur he’d drawn. Being accepted by this kid meant something to Dave, who had resigned himself to the fact that he wasn’t going to have kids and that was okay, because this kid was all him and Rose needed in their lives, even if their lives really would have been better if they hadn’t gotten married in the first place.

The way things turned out for everyone was the best it was going to be, and there was no arguing against it. Every little thing, from the first time Vriska played Pokémon, to when the Egberts went to Disneyland, to all the fighting that had happened between Tavros and Dave, was meant to be exactly as it was. And for Dave, seeing that little red-haired, cross-eyed kid every time he went to hang out with his once-again best friend, that made everything worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, if you're reading this, I just want to thank you for having been part of this wonderful journey across the past two years. Writing the Let's Play storyverse has been a fun time in my life, and while with the conclusion of this story means that the core part of the series is over, I still have thousands of words of supplemental material that will be posted in due time.  
> After all, this was meant to be posted on 12/22/13, the day that most of the events in the fic happen on! I've had a year to build up supplementals waiting for this moment to come.


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